Within The Bonds

25: Truth

"Erica?" disbelief and shock were visible on his face clear as day. I nod feebly in affirmation.

"I'm sure you must have misunderstood Anjo. Your mum loved you more than anything on this whole damn planet," he claims confidently, making me regret my decision of telling him anything earlier. (Anjo- angel)

"She sure had a wired way of showing it" I mumble under my breath.

She did love me that is a fact I will never deny. But after the incident, things just seemed to worsen. The sweet loving mother I was so used to and fond of, had become a completely different person. A person who scared me. I felt like I didn't even know her anymore.

'He doesn't believe me, I should have known!'

His response just gave me another reason to shut them out even more. I just nod and stand up from my position on the seat.

'I shouldn't have said anything, now he must think I'm a liar,' I mentally scold myself.

I knew that the moment I put my guard down around them and open up something would go wrong. I knew it, but I just didn't want to believe it. How could I be so naive and stupid to believe them, I barely knew them for a month or two.

"Hey, I didn't mean it in that way Amor, I just... you see... she sounds like a completely different person when you described her. I'm just....shocked," he has an urgency to his tone. An urgency for me to understand him, an urgency to me not to distance myself anymore from the family.

At this point I could see vulnerability in this demeanour. It's true that everyone has some kind of fear and weakness, it's just that some are really good at masking it. But now that I look at him I can see his fears are out in the open. His fear, his weakness is not him being weak, it's his weakness towards his family.

And right now they were weak. They were weak because of me. They were weak because they do not know me, know my past and they can't help me in my present. And there is just one solution to this and that is me confiding in them. That will make them... us... strong again.

'But am I ready for that?'

'I need to try. I need to take the first step and trust them'

I need to try. This is my family, the people who I can trust the most, the people who will protect me. I need to turn my pain and fear into power and determination. I needed this, my family needs this.

"I'm ready!" my voice sounded soft but confident.

And in the truest senses of the words, I am ready. Ready to take the first step. Ready to trust them. Ready to let them help me.
_______________________________

My heart is racing, anxiety eating into me from within. My brain is working on overdrive trying to find ways to tell them what had happened all those years ago, without having to breakdown.

Sitting on one of the many sofas in the living room, I wait in anticipation for Mateo to return. He had stepped out to call the others so that I didn't have to retell the hauntingly painful memory over and over again.

I place my shaking palms on my knees trying to prevent them from bouncing too much, but in vain. After another ten minutes of agonizing anticipation, one by one my brothers trudge into the room.

The expression on their faces is unreadable, they seem emotionless and dead inside. Their distant behaviour makes me more nervous then I already am.

Once everyone has settled down, I suddenly feel that the entire attention of the room is on me. Mateo, who is seated beside me, gives my hand a gentle encouraging squeeze. I look at him and nod my head, then shift my attention to the rest. Drawing in a deep breath I calm myself down and gather up the courage, that I'll be desperately needing for the next few minutes.