When Lines Blur

Chapter Fourteen

Braxton led Micheal upstairs to his bedroom and gently shut the door behind them. He was sure that the others noticed, but he hoped they'd assume it was nothing. "What's wrong Darling?"

"You're all so used to that..." Micheal said, "Talking about self harm as though it's normal and not a symptom of mental illness." Braxton nodded, he knew that explaining this to Micheal would come someday, he sat down on his bed. Braxton's bedroom was clearly shared by two people. Half the decorations had blue and gold while the other half focused on silvers and purples. There were two beds, one with white sheets with blue polka dots that Braxton was currently sitting on. And one with black sheets that had a pentacle on them. Salem's altar was at the foot of his bed. The room had two dressers, one with many different crystals on it and one that had books about self care, and multiple notebooks and pencils. The room was a beautiful blend of Braxton and Salem, something that both supplied both unease and comfort for Micheal.

"Sit next to me Mike?" Braxton said quietly. Micheal did so. "I know to you the fact that's such a... I wouldn't say casual but comfortable conversation for us is worrisome. To you self harm is strange, it's a sign someone needs help. And it still is, self harm isn't taken... lightly to us. But it's... not so much normal but expected."

"Did you self harm?" Micheal asked Braxton.

Braxton nodded slightly, "When I was questioning my gender and still thought I was a cis female. I would burn my legs. I was already smoking pot back then so the fact I had a lighter didn't raise concern for anyone. That was until Levi dragged us all to the beach one day and I was wearing a bikini." Micheal was looking at Braxton, the thought of him hurting made Micheal's heart ache. "Salem got me to stop, mostly because he sat me down and explained that it was stupid to do it. He also validated my dysphoria... which... is funny to think of since more often than not he is the one to say something to trigger it."

"I don't want you hurt," Micheal said softly, "I don't like the thought of you hurting... be it from yourself or someone else."

A small smile spread on Braxton's face, "I know Darling. But to us... it's expected that someday people will try it. I wouldn't be surprised to find scars on Austin from them, same with Ryan. It's a common response to trauma. It brings the pain that people can't see to the surface. It's not... good. No one should hurt themselves, same as no one should try to kill themselves. But when you're in pain the brain doesn't care about your morals or your logic. Not to mention a lot of people just enjoy pain."

"How can people enjoy hurting?"

"You'd be surprised," Braxton said, "I don't know how exactly. I'm pretty sure it's because pain can release dopamine just like drugs can. They get addicted. Salem probably would know more."

Micheal wasn't really surprised, "Salem enjoys pain?"

"He avoids it, but yeah," Braxton said, "It's part of why I was willing to punch him. It's less that he would enjoy it, more so it would release dopamine and boost his mood."

"I'd half say it sounds like Ryan," Micheal said, "I think he doesn't enjoy it and that he just constantly gets hurt accidentally."

"Or he's used to pain and feels uncomfortable out of it," Braxton replied, "I'd place high bets on his previous trauma being physical abuse. He seems to understand Salem in a way only someone who had something similar could. Same with Salem to Austin."

"You know that he thinks Maddox is sexually abused right?"

Braxton nodded, "Yeah, I know. That still makes sense, Salem and Ryan don't seem to immediately be able to understand Maddox the way they have to each other and Austin. Not much we can do right now."