If Money Could Buy Love (BTS NamjoonxOC) [Forced Marriage AU]

Chapter 13

》Namjoon's POV 

As I lay down in bed I can't help but shift around sleepless. I feel like a jerk. 

As I lay on my side, looking out the dark night from my window I sigh. I shouldn't have done what I did. 

Though I did enjoy it and I have been longing to kiss her that wasn't the correct way to do it. I was jealous and desperate. It was wrong. 

I should stop eavesdropping on people's conversation. I didn't do it on purpose though. 

Earlier before dinner, I went to call Iseul to eat. As I walked to the door I heard her talk, and very loudly. "Omo, we kissed! OMO WE FREAKING KISSED! WE MADE OUT!" My heart stopped at that as I held my right hand out knock at the door.

The girls kept talking but my mind had seemed to lose consciousness of what I had come to do. Iseul had kissed Taehyung behind my back. It reminded me that she is going to his competition on Saturday night and anything could happen. I didn't think Iseul liked anyone at all, considering she is very studious and busy most of the time. 

Without reasoning I opened the door, stepping by the door. "Dinner's ready Iseul." Iseul's face whitens as her eyes make contact with mine. I realized that I might be sabotaging her secret because of my selfishness. I feel ashamed of myself. JERK. JERK. JERK. JERK. I cursed at myself for being such a butt.

Iseul formulates a quick lie and bellows her friend goodbye. She let out a huge sigh once the call ended and I apologized. She told me not to worry as she followed me downstairs.

I decided to mock her a little bit to relive a but of the awkwardness I felt, but it only resulted on her making a speech about how fatal it would be if people knew that we are married. It is enough to say that a bunch of fangirls hate Ara for marrying me, but I didn't marry Ara, I married the girl of my dreams. 

I sat there patiently listening to her but felt bad for what she thinks will happen if people knew. I wouldn't let anyone call her a whore or a bitch because she isn't. As she talked my eyes traced down to her lips as they moved with every word she said. The jealousy suddenly aroused as I thought about another's lips on hers. I was mad jealous, I wanted what was rightfully mine. I lost myself and without thinking I had already placed my hands on her arms, pulling her to me and kissed her. 

It felt right. I had dreamed of this moment for a long time! But then it felt wrong. This was jealousy and lust, not love. This was something disrespectful towards her. She didn't love me, she loves Taehyung, well at least I think she does. 

All of a sudden she returned my kisses and my stomach was doing flips. I longed to deepen the kiss, I wanted more, but I had to stop. I couldn't do that to her out of jealousy. I want her to love me not hate me.

My hands slid up her arms and neck. I could feel her pulse quicken under my touch and the warmth of her skin. When my hands reached her cheeks I let her go. I made myself put the poker face I use as a mask and lied back on my chair, trying to normalize my heart beat. "That was to shut you up." I said, my voice monotone. I could see the utter confusion on her face. I wanted to tell her then and there, but I'm not ready, I'm not ready for the heartbreak that will come after the confession, so I decide to shut it and let her puzzle for now.