everglow (13rw)

Chapter 13

Justin

Why are you even talking? Why are you even here, Justin? You're not even a part of this family.

All I could hear was Clay's voice. He was saying it over and over again until my ears bled and I could no longer hear. I couldnt feel my hands, they were shaking. My legs were stucked, I couldnt move. Was this the feeling of a broken heart people were talking about?

Deep inside, I knew I overstepped. I cared about Clay so much I ended up throwing him under the bus. I loved Clay so much I ended up hurting him, I handed him his fear on a silver platter. What would you do when the only way to help someone was to betray them?

You are not even a part of this family.

Clay was right. I wasnt a part of their family. An intruder in their home. I was nothing but a liability to them. Nothing but a pile of rocks dragging Clay down. He was right.

Why are you even here, Justin?

Why was I here? What was my purpose in this place. I promised Clay that I would help him, was that my purpose? But I failed at doing that. Clay specifically told me to not tell his parents. But I did, only because I wanted what was best for Clay. I didnt want him to get addicted to alcohol. I experienced that first hand and it was the worst expericen I've had in my life. I didnt want Clay to go through that.

I was already sober from alcohol and drugs for three months. But today I found out I was no longer dependent on alcohol and drugs. I was dependent on Clay Jensen.

I didnt sleep in our room. Our room. It wasnt ours. It was Clay's. I slept on the couch on the living room, I didnt shower, didnt change my clothes. I didnt want to show Clay my face when all I did last night was cry.

I woke up early. Lanie was still asleep, she was on her day off. It was Matt who saw me. He gave me a pat on the back. He was the closest to a father figure I got in my life. He wasnt my father and I wasnt his son. I looked at him and he looked like he didnt get enough sleep too. See, all I did was bring this family down with me. Maybe they were better off without me.

"Justin," Matt sat with me on the living room sofa. "I know you are blaming yourself right now."

He was right. I deserved to blame myself. I created this chaos.

"Stop that," Matt continued. "You are a part of this family okay? Clay was drunk last night and I know drunk words are sober thoughts but I am a hundred percet sure he didnt mean what he said."

"He was right though," I looked at the floor. I felt like crying again. "I overstepped. Im not his brother, Im not your son. I shouldnt have done that."

"So you're saying, you shouldnt have told us?" Matt asked. "Were your parents. We know what's best for you and Clay."

I teared up hearing Matt tell me they were my parents. It felt nice to be included.

"Can I ask you something?" Matt exhaled. "Why did you tell us about Clay's situation?"

I just wanted to help Clay. I didnt want him to fall down the same rabbit hole I went through.

"Because I wanted to help him," I admitted. There was no other reason. "I got scared, I didnt want him to get addicted to alcohol. I want him to graduate with me, by my side."

"Then you did the right thing, Justin." Matt stood up. I excused myself, I didnt want Clay to see me so I decided to walk to school. I told Matt to tell Clay I already headed to school.

I was on my way out of the house when Matt called out for my name. I turned around. He threw a banana at me. I could hear my stomach rumbling.

"Eat something," Matt said. "Dont worry about Clay. We will talk to him."

"Please go easy on him," I found myself defending Clay. I promised Clay that I would protect him and I would never take it back. "He needs his parents right now."

I walked on the way to school. My legs were sore from the walk but I didnt mind. I couldnt stop thinking about Clay. I loved the guy. As a brother? Maybe more that that.

"Hey," Alex was the first person who noticed. "Are you okay?"

"If Im going to be honest?" I answered "No."

"What happened?" He asked. There was no reason to not tell Alex. He was a friend.

"Had a fight with Clay last night," I sighed. I could hear my own voice shaking. "We arent exactly talking right now."

Alex gave me a pat on the back and something I wasnt expecting to hear from Alex Standall. "But remember that Clay is your brother, I know, its weird. But he cares about you more than anyone else. I see it in his eyes, I saw it in him when you were at rehab. Whatever it is? Im sure its nothing unfixable."

"I hope so." I replied. Maybe we could still fix it?

"I know we arent the best of friends," Alex was looking directly into my eyes. "I know we fought several times in the past because of Jessica but know that you are my friend and I care about you."

"Thank you, Standall." I forced a smile. I appreciate Alex.

"Im just a call away," He paused and then changed his mind. "Actually im just a text away, since I hate phone calls."

I couldnt stop thinking how Alex and I used to always fight because of a girl but now were here venting to each other and giving advices. I was grateful for Alex. He was someone I could really count on when things get dark.

The bell rang indicating our lunch break. I didnt want to see Clay. I couldnt face him not after last night. I was walking on the way to the cafeteria when Clay appeared beside me. He looked horrible aswell. His eyes were swollen, the bags under his eyes were dark. I wanted to hug him and rub his back.

"Can we talk?" His voice was close to breaking. I followed him into an empty classroom. He locked the door and then like a water dam that cracked, he broke down in front of me.

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Another chapter. Next chapter will be Clay's POV of this same day.

I hope you guys are still enjoying this story <3

- G