everglow (13rw)

Chapter 15

Justin

"Justin," I couldnt look at Clay's face. I glanced at his hands, they were shaking. "Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Please forgive me."

I didnt deserve Clay Jensen's apology. He was right. I was wrong. I should be the one apologizing. But I couldnt talk, I didnt want to break down when Clay was already not stable.

"I-I," He stuttered. "I didnt mean what I said last night, please believe me."

"You're right though," I already accepted my defeat, I could sense the darkness slowly swallowing me again. "I should be the one saying sorry. I will never be a part of your family, Im so stupid to even think it was possible."

"Justin. Please believe me," Clay pleaded. "Please."

"I dont know, Clay." I wanted to believe Clay. I wanted to, so bad.

"You did what was best for me," Clay explained but I could no longer hear, my ears were now blocked by my guilt and shame. "I couldnt see it yesterday but I see it now. Justin, please."

"I want to believe you, Clay." I started tearing up, I could no longer hold it. "I really do. Everything was my fault, I deserved everything you said last night."

"Justin, listen to me." Clay grabbed my hands. I didnt deserve his touch.

"Im thinking of moving out today," I sniffled. "I will talk to Lanie and Matt about it. Please dont hate me, Clay."

"No," I could hear the panic in Clay's voice. "You're my brother, I cant lose you. Please"

"Im dragging you down, Clay." It was the truth. I was dragging Clay down, I was nothing but a heroin addict, a freeloader, nothing but a charity. "I would rather drown on my own than let you drown with me."

Clay grabbed my face and I tried remembering how blue his eyes were. I was tracing his face using my eyes, I didnt want to forget how he looked like when I leave. I didnt want to leave Clay but maybe it was for the best, maybe it was what was best for him.

I was busy taking a picture of Clay Jensen's face with my mind to realize what was going on. I felt his breath first, he was close, so close. He leaned forward and then Clay Jensen's lips touched mine.

Clay's lips were soft and warm, it was pure, as if it hadnt been touched by the cruelness of this world. Without hesitation, I kissed him back. His lips were trembling so I cupped his face, his tears were still falling down from his eyes. I started going slowly, easing his lips.

Then, reality came down to earth. My earth. I pulled back, not because I was disgusted. But because I didnt deserve Clay Jensen. Ruining his life was the only thing that I had been doing to him.

"Clay, I-" I stopped. Clay looked like his life was falling apart in front of his face, he was looking at me as if he already lost me. "Im sorry. I have to go."

I was about to walk out of the classroom when I felt two arms around me. He was hugging me from my back, he was holding me tight. Afraid that he would lose me.

"I cant lose you, Justin." Clay sobbed on my back. "Please dont leave me."

I turned around. He sounded broken and hearing him sound like that made my heart crumble to million pieces. Clay was still holding me, not letting me go. He was holding me as if I would run away from him if he let go.

"I wont let you go." Clay whispered to me. I found myself wrapping my arms on his body too. Embracing his pain, letting it slowly melt with my pain.

"Clay." I cried on his neck, my lips were touching his skin but we didnt mind. Our body were too close, he was holding a part of myself that no one had held before. I could feel Clay Jensen holding my soul, he was protecting my heart.

"Justin," He let go of my body but he doesnt need to worry about me. I would never runaway from him. Clay attached an invisible wire, binding the both of us forever. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me."

Clay, you were the best thing that ever happened to me too. I was always been a car crash waiting to happen, I had no future, no one truly loved me. But when you came, you gave me a second chance, a second life. You gave me purpose, for the first time in my life I actually believed a future where I was happy and alive.

"You are the most important person in my life," Clay continued, the tears from his eyes stopped falling, but his eyes were red and wet. "I love you so much, Justin."

I didnt have that much people in my life but Clay Jensen was the most important person in my life. He became my addiction and the reason why I was sober, I became dependent on him. He was my rock, the only thing keeping me sane in this shitty world.

"Dont go, please" Clay pleaded one more time. I loved him so much.

"Okay." I spoke, my voice was silent and soft but Clay heard me.

"We look out for each other okay?" Clay held my cheek with his right hand. "We take care of each other."

My eyes didnt want to stop crying. Clay's words saved me once again. This was the first I've heard that much sincerity in one sentence. We take care of each other. No one had told me that yet. Not my mom, not Bryce, not even Jessica.

"Okay." I placed my hand on his hand. I closed my eyes and felt his touch. His hand was warming up my face.

There was a light. A tiny bit of light shining down on me. A light, a glow, hope, let's call it an everglow. The worst was now over and all I could see was the after, the before was now long gone in the past. Clay Jensen gave me hope and for once I didnt ask myself if I deserved it or not.

-

Thank you for waiting, I know I was late but here's the new chapter. Finally.

I already fixed my body clock that's why. I'll continue updating this story everyday, one or two chapter a day depends on my mood.

Hope you guys are still enjoying this story, because Im writing this for y'all.

- G