This is a story written as if Jenna and Tyler wrote it. As if it was true events that accured in their lives.
Disclaimer: it mentions self harm, and sexual harassment. If you're triggered by either of those I suggest you don't read. However, I will...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
ಠ_ಠ
Warnings: deep thoughts, cursing.
Words 789
ಠ_ಠ
You see, life is hard. It isn't simple or predictable. You have to work hard for what you own, and you have to enjoy it while you can. Nothing lasts forever.
So, back to these questions:
why do some people have good lives, and others don't?
Why are some people happy without effort while others are struggling to keep the smile on their face?
Why do people do wrong even though they know it's wrong?
Why don't they try to be good?
Why do people keep making the same mistakes over and over again?
As I sit here, writing this memory in 3rd person, I've answered these questions. The answer is simple, but it isn't an answer someone with such questions would like to hear.
The answer is simply: "we're human." We aren't gods. We have needs and desires and temptations. Some people's temptations are stronger than others. Temptations and desires don't make us bad, they make us human.
What makes you bad is when you actually decide to give up on fighting and give into the temptation, whatever it may be.
And I've decided to explain Carter that way. He wasn't bad, he was weak. Now, I might be wrong, but it helps me to feel better about the situation.
Carter had desires and temptations, and he gave up fighting a long time ago. And I hate to say this, but I don't blame him for it. I have desires and temptations, but they aren't nagging me like they probably did him.
It's been three years since what happened and I still don't forgive him. I could say I forgive him with such emotion and meaning, but then later I'll cry over the past and take it all back. However, I am getting closer to forgetting his sufferable smile, and his manipulative tongue. Maybe then I'll be able to fully forgive him.
Now to talk about Tyler. The one who changed my life. The only boy that I've ever trusted after the incident— aside from Brennan.
No matter how big, small, tall, or short you are somewhere deep inside your heart you want to know the feeling of love. Only a special person can show that love to you.
And it's not just any love, like a mother's hugs and kisses, but it's the feeling of being wanted. That, I'm happy to say, I've experienced.
Tyler would give me anything I wanted, which I would never take advantage of. The first look he gave me scared me half to death.
Not only because it was the look Carter shared with me, but because there was something else deep into his eyes that Carter didn't have. It was shock as though he had seen a ghost, or an angel. It was also admiration, and love.
That is what scared me. The fact that he thought I was beautiful. What was so interesting about me anyways?
And when I snapped at him saying, "can I help you?" It was only to avoid the feeling of sickness and butterflies all at once.
At the beginning I feared Tyler. I had every right to fear him, but he also interested me. Why was he trying to talk to me of all people?
Again, I have answered those questions— well, Tyler has. He told me, "I knew I loved you. I mean, you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I couldn't just walk away from that."
That's bullshit to me— sorry for the language. I believe he saw a piece of my heart he had to fix, and decided to accept the challenge. No one could suddenly decide to love someone, right? It takes time to get to know each other.
Now, that could just be me. I am funny with the word 'love'. It shouldn't just be thrown around. You can't just go around bullshitting feelings— sorry again. You have to be sure, and that's the hard part.
You'll always have that 'am I doing the right thing?' thought hanging over your shoulders. No matter how sure you are. You just have to be smart enough to know when to ignore it.
Enough blabbering on about my opinions. Although, I've been through a lot I am not a professional, nor will I ever be. I'm just a 19 year old trying to get to sleep.
Now that you've heard my backstory, and Tyler's. It's time to write about the wedding. Sadly, I can't predict the future. The wedding is happening tomorrow, hence why I can't sleep. (Excitement overload.)
So, until then, Jenna Black
ಠ_ಠ
Like Jenna explained, all that is left is the wedding. That is going to be the epilogue of this book.
