Comfy Closets

40|| Emotions and Performances

There are moments when you can’t possibly know how to react. Should you be surprised? Sad? Sympathetic? What if you just had no business to react at all?

I stood in the doorway, dazed as I took in the downcast expression on the woman’s face. She held my gaze as if expecting an answer from me.

I gulped slowly and softly said. “I’m sorry to hear that…”

The fair-headed woman tried for a smile and failed but nodded in acknowledgement anyway. The urge to see my girlfriend had increased the moment she broke the news, and now, I didn’t think I could turn away. “Can- can I still see her? Please?”

Diane looked like she was about to insist that I really shouldn’t, but someone stepped into view from behind her just then, wrapping his arm around her waist.

Leah’s stepdad, Joe – if I recalled correctly, smiled softly in greeting. “Hi, Alyssa. Maybe it’d be good for Leah to have a friend there for her right now. She hasn’t been out of her room all day,” he said to me, but his sentence felt more directed at his wife as he subtly nudged her side.

The woman sighed but nodded, stepping aside to let me in. I smiled gratefully and stepped through the entrance, quickly treading up the wooden stairs. I glanced behind me to see my girlfriend’s parents with concerned eyes as they followed my movements up the steps. Focusing ahead, I bit the inside of my cheeks and stopped outside Leah’s room, softly knocking twice and waiting for a response.

There was none, and so after waiting for ten seconds, I knocked again. This time, a meek ‘come in’ was heard through the white door.

I didn’t know what to expect when I twisted the doorknob and pushed through. Given the nature of the relationship that this family had with the man who died, I couldn’t be sure how Leah would’ve reacted. So, letting out a deep breath, I braced myself to expect the worst.

The door easily swung open and I peered inside the dim room, the curtains mostly drawn to let only a sliver of light through. The room itself seemed normal, nothing out of the ordinary. But the girl who sat at the end of her bed in leggings and a sweatshirt was what brought my attention to focus.

Leah didn’t look up when I entered the room. Didn’t respond as I approached the bed and sat beside her. She just… stared ahead at the bookcase that was across from her bed, looking but not looking as I noticed a glazed blankness over her dark orbs, mind elsewhere.

“Hey,” I said softly as I sat down, the mattress dipping under my weight.

She didn’t say anything back, but I noticed the hands resting on her knees shift slightly.

It was something.

Despite my previous urge to see her, I didn’t know what to say, so I leaned forward and rested my arms on my knees as I waited for when she was ready.

As the silence enveloped us, I listened to the soft, even breaths that left her lips. They sounded calm and steady, but I doubted her reality was anything but.

After a few minutes passed, words finally left her lips.

“I don’t remember the last thing I said to him.”

It didn’t seem like she was expecting a reply to that, so I watched her silently and listened.

“I…” Leah trailed off, a sarcastic smile briefly flitting across her face. “I can’t really remember what he looked like, actually. I was eight when we left, and now… I can’t even remember his face.”

One of her slender hands that had been resting on her lap went up to discreetly wipe away a tear that escaped her eye, but other than the tear, her face was a stoic mask that blocked any emotion from sight. I furrowed my brows in silent worry as I sat upright and turned my body towards her. She continued, as if not registering anything else besides the thoughts in her head.