Idols love. A Bang Chan FF

Chapter 12.

You were scrolling the statistics of your reality show and the numbers were huge. You were second this week and the first is "Running Man" but you couldn't beat that show so you were at peace with it. I mean, second place is really good when there is something so popular above you.

It is already july and you didn't know when time flew this fast, it felt like yesterday you debuted under the best label with the best girls in the world. You never thought that your group would become this big or that you would break incredible records everyday. You guys were preparing a summer comeback, but it won't be a cute one. It will be a mini-album with the total of 8 songs worte by me, Chan and Nabi. We all came with different ideas and they are pretty original. The title track is called " Behind you" and the theme is about human fears and how those will keep you in your comfort zone or it can be interpreted as a toxic relationship that hit rock bottom a long time ago. The song in followed by a dark EDM concept. In summer is not common to have such a concept which is why nobody expects it. You were gonna risk it, but JYP liked the idea so it'll be fine.

The reality moved to Seoul a week ago, after your perfect night so you don't have that basement or that beautiful ocean. The house is in Gangnam near your real dorm, and the house is actually prettier than the other one. Everything is really colorful, but not too much. There is a lot of wood and windows.

Your were sipping on your watermelon juice and someone comes to you, you didn't know who.

" Y/n, can I ask you a question?" I.N said and you turned to him smiling and mimicking a 'go ahead'.

" What would you like for your b-day?" he asked and you remembered that it will be in 2 days.

" Nothing. Lets just eat together and maybe do a karaoke." you said smiling.

" C'mon, there is something that you might desire." he said not believing you.

" I appreciate your interest, but I really don't want anything. I don't really celebrate my birthday anyways. I don't think that there is a lot to celebrate." you said with a blank face.

" That's dark.. if Chan hyung would hear this he would get mad at you. " he said and you rolled your eyes.

" Just because we are dating, doesn't mean that he owns me. I've had this mindset since I was 4 so no one can change it. Again, I appreciate your concerns." you said smiling.

This is your clicheic type of thinking, but you didn't care. Your "mother" thought you that you don't matter and that your being is a toy. You didn't agree with her, but once you stepper on this earth you ruined your parent's life and you hated that.

" Why do you think like this?" Jisung asked.

" None of your business." you replied.

" Is it my business tho?" Chan asked.

" No. You are my boyfriend, not my psychologist." You said leaving that damn kitchen so that you wouldn't have to answer those questions again.

" Why, Y/n?" Nayla asked you.

" For the love of God, can you give me space?! I hate my fucking birthday and there is no turning back after the being that is supposed to be your mother thought me shit about myself!! Just because you all have been so lucky for not being selled to guys doesn't mean that I'm the same way!" you shouted and when you realized what you said you looked at your girls and... you ran. You couldn't face them again. You didn't want them to know your disgusting past, but now they know (let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore! SORRY...). Them knowing meant failing them once more as their leader. You are no leader even though you try you kept failing at it.

After a few hours you eventually got home. You had nowhere else to go. You had a tiny chance that they were asleep because it was pretty late at night, but of course your luck didn't work. Everyone was on the couch, waiting.

" I'm sorry for shouting. I won't talk about it. Don't judge me. Goodnight!" You said proving to yourself that you are immature.

" Y/n, you don't have to get through nothing alone. We already knew..." Sky said and your heart stopped and confusion was written all over your face.

" How?" you said and your voice cracked.

" We train and sleep together, we aren't blind.. those scars are hella deep, Y/n. You sleep-talk too.. you get drunk a lot." Nayla said.

" I'm sorry that you know..." you said sitting down on the couch." Look, I didn't feel you because I don't trust you, I trust you with my life. I'm just... embarrassed." you said poker face.

" We know.. it's a lot. Now that you know that we know, where do I find your mother to beat the hell out of her?" Seoyeon said and you laughed.

" Somewhere in China." you said.

" Y/n, don't be ashamed. At least did you have fun?" Jisung asked.

" Actually, there was a guy.. he was sweet, cute, smart, rich.. but I screwed up everything as I always do. " you said and Chan seemed jealous and it made you laugh a bit.

You felt a lot happier by just telling these little pieces of you past. You used to think that telling people those memories would hurt you, but this healed you more. It hurt to remember, but you never felt freer

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Hey guys, sorry for this late update..I will get back om track soon, I'm just not feeling myself (again). I want you to know that I will always be there gor you if you need any kind of help.

I'M HERE FOR YOU!

The next chapter will be longer and more entertaining, but I wanted to share the message that it is OKAY to get help, it is OKAY to express yourself. On the other hand, it is NOY okay to try to be someone else just because other people want you to be something or someone else. You are perfect as you are, you are loved as you are. Your skin color, religion, sexual orientation doesn't define your personality which is the only thing that matters. Every community is accepted on this account. I love you are you are beautiful💜💜