Love, Life, Hockey (boyxboy)

Nerves Can Be Good

Sometimes, I wonder how many times a person has fallen in love with their best friend. I know that it must be often, given human nature's ability to make you love someone in a way you're not supposed to. At least, according to some people who want to use religion to justify homophobia. Almost all of my small town in the middle of Utah could be described that way, which makes my life that much more difficult.

Great, as if I needed more pressure put on my shoulders. Just thinking about it makes my knee go crazy, so I try to focus on the movement while waiting for coach to let me in his office. It takes a few minutes, but he swings the door open and closes it behind me once I'm in front of his desk.

"So, Hunter, how do you feel about Friday? You good to go?" Coach begins, expecting a reply with his hands folded neatly in his lap.

I stutter at first, but regain my composure. "Y-Yes sir. I'm ready, although a little bit nervous."

He nods in understanding. "Nerves are good, son. It means you care."

He's right. I care, probably more than I should. I know the scouts are watching me, but at this point it's the least of my worries. If the world finds out I like boys, the dream is over. Gone.

"I just want to win. I want to win district, even state. Then maybe a gold medal this summer."

I know he's impressed with my goals. He chuckles, but I wasn't kidding. "Good for you, kid. I believe in you. Just wanted to check in before we get going."

"I'm ready. This is our year, I can feel it."

He stands up, shakes my hand, and sends me on my way.

Soon, I'm walking out the front doors of school. I spot Talon waiting for me by the steps. He must've just gotten done with tutoring, or maybe piano lessons.

"What's up dude? Practice ended like a half hour ago. You should've texted me." Talon presses.

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't want to interrupt your lesson. I'll make sure to text from now on."

He nudges my shoulder. "I'm just messing with you, man. Lighten up. In the meantime, let's go get some food."

I like the sound of that. "Deal. Last one to the car has to pay!" With that, I take off.

I end up winning, and based on Talon's ragged breath behind me, by a lot.

Talon's driving, so I pay. We end up getting burgers and are enjoying them on his bedroom floor. The walls are covered with magazine clippings and pictures about hockey, which I enjoy looking at most of the time. There's a new one by his window.

The headline reads: "Hunter Flynn: Utah's best? Maybe."

I don't like reading about myself. Talon knows this, but I know he has the rest of the article somewhere. "Talon? Can I see the rest of that article?"

He turns his head to see what I'm looking at, and without a word, pulls it from a drawer under his bed. I flip through the pages and see myself scoring in a few of the fall games we had in preseason, before handing it back to him. He slides it neatly in its place, careful not to disturb the piles under it.

He speaks. " I'll take it down if you want. I know you don't keep tabs on things like that."

I shut him down. "It's your room. You can decorate it however you want. Plus, I know that's not the only one."

There's a hint of pink on his cheeks, so I drop the subject. "So, are you coming on Friday?"

He glares are me annoyingly for just a second. "Of course I'll be there. What kind of best friend would I be if I wasn't there for the season opener of your senior year? Not a good one, that's for sure."

I smile for the first time all day. "What am I ever going to do without my number one fan supporting me? Oh, the tragedy."

Okay, so I'm a little dramatic. But I don't even want to think about next year. I'm doing my best to not think past Friday. However, Talon loves to dream about the future.

"I'll be there. Wherever you end up, I'll visit you."

Hearing that coming from him makes my heart leap. I chuckle and say "I'm counting on it."

He suggests spending the night playing video games, and I hardly object. After some debate, we settle on Madden 19. I'd never admit this, but I let him win almost every time because of the smile I get to see after. Even though I hate to lose, that view makes up for it. By the time I look at the clock beside Talon's bed, I see it's just after midnight. Tomorrow is a school day, so as much as I don't want to leave, I interrupt our game. "I should go. It's after midnight, plus I have a test in first period, so I should get some sleep."

Talon's disappointment is apparent in his response. "Okay, H. Close the window on your way out, please."

I do as he asks, and shut the window behind me once I'm on the fire escape. It's a perk of living next to your best friend, I guess.

My room is very different than Talon's. There's not much decoration, and my walls are charcoal gray. I change into some sweatpants and opt to go shirtless, and through the faint curtains, I can see Talon pulling on a sweatshirt. He turns around, and it hits me: he's wearing my sweatshirt. Before he can see me staring, I turn off my light and face away from the window. My stomach is swarmed with butterflies, and I know that I'll be chasing sleep tonight.