Love, Life, Hockey (boyxboy)

Bad Days, Bad Games

I'm watching film when there's a knock on my window. It's late, close to midnight, but I'm anxious to know how Talon's date went.

He doesn't even greet me before he starts telling me what happened. "Dude, she's great. Like, so great. She curled her hair and we went and watched the sunset at then lake with burgers from Benny's. I want to ask her out again, but I'm nervous. Should I ask tomorrow when I see her at school or wait a few days? God, how is dating so complicated?"

"Well, I'm glad you had fun. She sounds like a good person. I'd wait a few days, if it were me. You have her phone number, right?"

He nods.

"Maybe text her and tell her you had fun tonight. It's late, so you can choose not to."

He pulls out his phone immediately and within the minute, has a response.

He reads it to me. "I had fun too, Talon. See you tomorrow. Goodnight."

"There you go, T. That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Nope. Are you ready for tomorrow?"

I nod. "You sleeping over again?"

"Mhm. If you don't mind."

"Not at all."

With that, we climb into bed and shut off the light. Facing opposite ways, I barely hear him whisper. "You're the best, H."

I don't respond, but know I'm smiling when I fall asleep.

In a rare occurrence, Talon's up before I am. I yawn and stretch, before sitting up.

"It's game day!" Talon practically screams at me.

It's easy to tell he's already had coffee.

I put my jersey over a hoodie, just like last game. Call me superstitious, if you must.

The drive to school is filled with Talon talking about how he's going to ask Kate to come to the game with him. It's wrong of me, but deep down, I want her to say no so that he and I can go out after we win.

School goes by slow. I get well wishes from most of my teachers, except for Mrs. Beckett. On the bright side, I'm doing better in math.

Since we have a game, practice isn't happening. I have a few hours to kill until I have to be back at school, so I head to the library on a whim. Talon is focused on the textbook in front of him, and there's a girl to his left. Based on how he's acting, my brain leads me to believe that is Kate.

I get up and walk out before he notices me. I get home fairly quickly, probably because I was walking faster than normal. My phone dings with a message from my Mom. It reads, "probably won't make it tonight, stuck at work. good luck sweetheart!"

I text her back to assure her that I don't mind. I get dressed and double check my bag, just as Talon pulls into his driveway.

I walk out the front door, jersey in hand. What I don't expect is Kate getting out of the passenger seat.

"Hey, H! That for me?"

I nod, and toss it his way.

"Kate's riding with us to the game, if that's okay?"

"Of course, T. It's your truck."

"I know, just making sure."

We're on our way to school within a half hour, and Kate is talking to Talon about school. I have nothing to contribute to the conversation, so I stay quiet. My mind wanders to hockey.

I feel like the same tape plays every time I step on the ice. It's a must win game, for the team, scouts, opportunities. The pressure remains the same.

Warm ups go well. The buzzer sounds and off we go. I miss a few shots in the first quarter, and as I look to Talon fort encouragement, I catch a glimpse of him kissing Kate. My blood boils, and I end up in the penalty box for the last minutes of the quarter.

At the half, Coach is furious. We're down 2-0, and I'm playing the worst hockey of my life. We squeak by with a win, even with no help from me. Everyone is elated, but Coach calls me into his office anyway.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Flynn? You can't play like that if you want to go number one. Hell, you can't play like that if we want to win."

I know exactly what he means. I have to carry this team. I nod, and he excuses me.

Talon is waiting for me outside the locker room, Kate by his side. "You coming to Benny's? Everyone is going to celebrate."

I don't feel like I deserve to celebrate. "No, I'm tired. I think I'll just head home."

"I can drop you off."

I shrug him off. "I'm fine walking, T. Go have fun!"

We hug before he goes to join the rest of his friends.

I walk somewhere I haven't been in a few months. It's dark, but the night lights on the ground help me find her. Someone has been here in the last couple of days, judging by the flowers placed by her headstone.

"Hey, Han. I had a game tonight. We won, but I played like shit. I miss you. I love you."

I can feel the tears on my cheeks, but I let them roll off. I sink to my knees before my head is in my hands.

How can I keep doing this? How do I stay alive?