Love, Life, Hockey (boyxboy)

Confrontation and Quality Time

We don't sleep at all. Talon goes through all five stages of grief within the night, and ends up crashing against my chest around six in the morning. I doze off for a few hours, and when I wake up, he's still asleep. I could get used to sleeping this close to him.

He hasn't told his parents about what happened, or confronted Kate about it. His mom peeks her head in from the door frame, and steps into his room.

"What happened to him? He's a wreck." I can see the worry in her eyes.

I decide to keep it simple. "Kate cheated on him with my teammate at a party last night."

"Oh. Has her talked to her at all?"

I shake my head. She leaves, and I lean my head back against the wall.

He wakes up a little while later. "Can you stay with me today? I'm not ready to break up with her yet."

"Of course. Can we at least lay on your bed, please? My back hurts."

He giggles and stands up, offering me his hand. I take it, but he falls on top of me in attempt to get me off the floor. Our noses are touching, and I want to kiss him.

I give him a little shove and he rolls off of me. His voice is deep, raspy. "Do you think you'll ever fall in love?"

I wish I could tell him that I have fallen in love. But, I lie. "Probably, somewhere down the line when my career is solid."

He nods, and we make our way to the bed. He's basically on top of me again, but this time I'm much more comfortable.

We lay there in a comfortable silence until we decide we should eat. He wants McDonalds, so we drive on the highway for pancakes and hash browns. We go to the drive through, and park so we can eat. Talon comes an inch within spilling his syrup all over his seat, and I can't stop laughing about it.

He's smiling, and I'm relieved.

It's almost noon by the time we get back home.

"I have to go talk to her. I'll be back soon."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

He hesitates, but nods.

The car ride over is short, and I discover she only lives a few streets away from us. When we pull up, I can already tell it's bad news. I recognize Caleb's car across the street.

While I stay in the car, Talon rings the doorbell. A woman who I presume is Kate's mom answers the door, and he disappears inside the house.

A few minutes later, he reappears, and Kate is chasing after him. Their conversation is barely audible, but I hear "It was a mistake, Talon. I swear."

It takes everything in me to stay in the car. Talon doesn't stop to listen to her. As soon as he's back in the car, he says "I hate girls. They suck."

"No, they don't. Kate sucks."

"You're right. She wasn't good enough for me anyway."

I'm glad he knows that he deserves better. We drive home and sit in the driveway for a while.

Talon breaks the silence. "I sent out my applications a few days ago."

"That's great, T. When do you find out if you got in?"

"Not for a few months, probably close to the new year. Let's go inside."

We head inside, and I can tell he's mentally exhausted. I don't blame him.

"Let me take you somewhere."

He looks confused, but trusts me anyway.

He drives, but I direct him. We end up at the community ice rink, and his face lights up when we get inside.

"I haven't skated in forever, H. You're gonna have to help me."

"I know, but I have a feeling you'll be fine."

There's nobody here except for the owner, Brett. I called him ahead of time to make sure nobody was on the ice.

"I come here when I want to escape the world."

My confession causes Talon to lose his balance, and he falls in front of me.

"Escape what?"

"The pressure of my life."

"Mhm. I know things are hard for you."

"You make everything better, I hope you know that."

He regains his balance and skates towards me before engulfing me into a hug. His breath is warm against my neck and his hands make me shiver.

We skate for a while. Sometimes holding hands, sometimes by ourselves. I show off a little bit by skating backwards so I can see Talon. When we're finished, we sit by a wall filled with junior league pictures. There's one of us when we were around 9, and one of my sister and I when we were a little older.

My mood changes instantly, and Talon notices.

"I can't imagine."

He's right, he can't. He's an only child, but he has me.

"Next week, it'll have been a year. I miss her more everyday."

He says nothing, but puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. 

We thank Brett for the time on the ice and head home. Or at least, I'm under the impression we're on our way home.

Imagine my surprise when we pull up to the cemetery. Talon stays in the car, reasoning with me that I deserve space.

I don't really have anything to say to her. At the same time, I have so much to tell her.

"I love him. He's perfect, and he should know that. If you were here, you'd almost force me to tell him. But, you're not, and I can't find the words."

I pause, and turn around. Talon is in the car, looking at his phone. So, I continue. "It might be a good idea to start by coming out to Mom and Dad. Or, keeping this a secret forever. I'll update you when I've made my choice. I'll talk to you later, Han. I love you."

I don't realize I'm crying until my vision goes blurry.

The drive home is pure silence, and for the first time ever, I don't understand who I am.