Love, Life, Hockey (boyxboy)

Girlfriends, Possibilities, Interviews

I feel like I don't even wake up anymore. I don't sleep, that's for sure. I spend most of the night observing the way Talon's chest rises and falls, along with counting stars. I shut off my alarm long before it goes off, and get dressed in the bathroom so Talon doesn't wake up.

Once I'm downstairs, Hershey is awake and waiting by the back door. I take her outside, and she nudges a tennis ball in my direction with her nose.

I throw it across the yard and watch her run after it. We do this for a few minutes, until she's breathing hard and laying down on the grass. I put some food out for her and she eats everything in her bowl. I wish my life was as simple as hers.

I open the door and she races inside. Talon is sitting at the breakfast bar, grinning ear to ear like an idiot. I get a glimpse at his phone and find he's looking at a picture of himself and Kate. I don't recognize the background, so I assume it was taken the other night at her house.

"You're whipped."

He scoffs. "No, I'm not. She's just pretty and I like this picture."

"Whatever you say, T."

Without another word, he follows me upstairs. He doesn't bother going back to get his own clothes, and instead helps himself to my closet. My clothes are big on him, baggy enough that he has to borrow a belt. The image of him wearing my clothes is forever burned into my brain.

I make us each a cup of coffee while Talon braves the cold morning in an attempt to get his truck warmer than the air outside. By the time I'm sitting in the car, the engine is warm enough to head to school.

"You should get a girlfriend."

The declaration catches me off guard, and I almost spill coffee all over his dashboard.

"No, I shouldn't. I don't need one, anyway. I have too much to worry about already." I'm silently begging God to make him drop the subject.

"Dating is fun, I've realized. Plus, you have a whole bunch of girls dying to date you. I know you were hanging out with Brooke at the party last weekend."

How did he know about that? Why is he keeping tabs on me?

"She's not my type."

"Whatever. I'm just saying, think about it."

I want to scream at him.

I have thought about it, but I can't share those thoughts with anyone. The only person I've ever told took my secret to her grave.

That night flashes through my mind. We were 15, the age where the possibility of dating becomes real. We weren't allowed to date until we got our licenses, but that didn't stop us from dreaming late at night when neither of us could sleep.

I can almost hear her response to the news. "So what, Hunter? I don't care that you're gay. Mom and Dad will just have to get used to it. They love you regardless. Fuck everyone else who doesn't accept you. You don't need them."

To hear her say that was such a relief, and at the time, meant everything to me. If I knew my time with her was limited, I would've told her long before that. But, I can't change the past, no matter how much I wish I could.

The engine going silent pulls me from my thoughts. Talon goes quietly, and I follow quickly behind him.

My friends talk about the usual, anticipating practice, wondering how the game will go on Friday. I don't want to think about hockey. Come to think of it, I want my brain to shut off completely.

I find it in me to focus during Mrs. Beckett's lesson, so at least I'll know how to do tonight's homework. School doesn't challenge me like hockey does, so the amount of effort I exude isn't even on the same level. I spend lunch by myself, laying in the bed of Talon's truck. The peace and quiet gets me to stop thinking.

Practice is hard. Coach pushes us to our limits, and I'm exhausted. He calls me into his office after practice, and I'm worried.

"Channel 5 wants to interview you."

I don't know what to say, so I agree.

I tell my parents the news over dinner. The interview is set to happen at school, and air after the game on Friday. They're proud of me, and for a minute, I'm proud of me, too.

Talon is over the moon. He wants to be there, so I tell him I'll see what I can do. He even offers to skip class to be with me. I feel special.

We spend the night deciding what I should wear, and we finally land on jeans and a black button up.

The next morning rolls around without a hitch, and off to school I go with Talon. He can't contain his excitement on the way, so I entertain his fantasies.

Coach sent out an email congratulating me to the whole team last night, and I'm showered with compliments when I walk up to the table. School passes by slow, mostly because I'm nervous.

I have to miss practice for the interview, which I don't like because we have a game tomorrow. Talon cancelled his tutoring sessions for the day, and he's sitting behind the camera, laughing at me.

The reality of the whole situation sets in when I'm sitting across from Lauren, the TV host. After everyone is settled, I hear, "Lights, camera, action!"

"Hi, everyone! This is Lauren Davidson with Channel 5 reporting from Lakeview High School, home of the Royals. I have team captain and future NHL first round pick, Hunter Flynn, here with me. How do you feel about the season thus far, Hunter?"

"I feel good about how we've played as a team. Personally, I got into trouble last game, but I think we have our work cut out for ourselves if we want to win district."

"Awesome. Do you have any preference about where you'd like to play next year?"

"Not particularly, no. I just want to play hockey."

"That's always a good thing to hear. What do you have to say to the fans at home?"

"We love when you guys come out and support us, it truly means the world. Thank you for believing in us!"

"Okay, Hunter. Last question, one I think all the ladies are dying to know. Do you have a girlfriend?"

I chuckle. "Not at the moment. I don't know if that'll change anytime soon, either."

"Well, that's all, folks! Signing off, Lauren Duncan."

I thank the crew before heading to the rink. Practice is over, but I lace up my skates anyway. Talon stays in the stands, studying, until I decide I've skated enough. We get milkshakes at Benny's on the way home, and I'm happy.