The Thoughts Between Us // CHALEX

Twelve

Alex

"Did it hurt when you did it?" Winston asked me, as we continued walking on the bridge.

It was my idea to hang out with him. Tyler's mom was going to drive Tyler to the game, so I got the chance to ask Winston for a lift. He came earlier than needed so we decided to get some Monet's coffee and just pass time here.

Talking with him was easy, he was someone who never interrupts people and he was a good listener. Plus point, he was handsome.

I wanted to give him a chance, to know him more, to see if maybe we could actually become something.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that." He suddenly said, clearly panicked because I didn't reply. "That's none of my..."

"No, it's okay." I interrupted, because it was actually okay for him to ask me that.

Generally people tend to become awkward when sensitive topics like suicide are even mentioned, but Winston here, he was a unique character.

"Um... I thought... I don't even know what I thought."

Because that was true.

When I was pulling the trigger of the gun pointed at my head, I was just angry with myself for ignoring Hannah. I was angry with Monty for being ignorant about Bryce's actions. Also, I was angry with Hannah for being at the receiving end of everything.

I never though how it was going to change everything for me.

"And I never really thought about how it'd feel, like, after." I continued speaking, as he also kept listening. "You know, how fucked up I'd be. 'Cause I didn't think there was gonna be any after. I really wish I would've considered that possibility."

"I don't think you fucked up, Alex." Winston replied, shaking his head at me. "I think it's kind of amazing, actually, where you are now."

"Yeah." I chucked. "I mean I worked really hard with the physical therapy and stuff. And I finally got rid of that fucking cane."

Yeah, that was the biggest highlight of my life when it decided to give me another chance.

"But, I don't know," I continued. "I'm never gonna be, like, normal again."

"Hey. Well, fuck normal." Winston suddenly stopped walking beside me. "What does that even mean?"

He asked me with a serious voice, which kind of made me speechless.

"Nobody ever actually feels normal." He stated, and I realized that it was true.

No one in my life was normal anymore.

"Yeah, I guess that's true." I nodded, and he chuckled at me and we continued walking.

"I'm sure it helps, you know, having such a good group of friends." He said. "Tyler's always telling me you guys are so, you know, close and everything."

Yup, I was lucky to have each and every one of them in my life. Given the circumstances of what actually brought us together, it was surprising to see we still call each other friends.

But well, I think it happened because we all went through similar things, and I was grateful to them for being there for me, especially last semester. Even Charlie and Ani.

"Yeah, we are not so close as we used to be, but..."

We were an odd group, to be honest. And if we did hang out in school, each and every person in Liberty will be shocked.

I saw how Winston reacted to seeing Charlie coming in to check on Tyler. No one expects the quarterback and the captain of the football team to give lift to people other than his teammates or people who don't happen to be that high on the school's social ladder.