Finer Things // h.s.

I'm sorry I missed Your Call

Thank you so much for reading, please comment on what you think so far! - M

June 12th, 2001

"Mum?" I say peering down at her by the side of her hospital bed. I take a seat next to her. Her lips are a pale blue colour and her once tanned skin is now flushed a white colour. The only colour being her green eyes when she opens them to meet mine. This isn't how I want to remember her. This isn't how I want to remember my Mum.

"My sweet Tilly, how are you?" Just like her to ask how I am and forget about this entire situation. I look up at the monitor next to her, 33 beats per minute. The beep mocks me and I feel tears well in my eyes.

"I'm okay Mum, how are you?"

You're so stupid Tilly why would you ask that of all questions she's in pain.

Mum gives a soft laugh followed by a deep cough. She should be at home. She should be tending to the garden, the sun browning her skin just right. She should be dancing around the kitchen with my Dad, laughing and a glass of red wine in her hand. She should be snuggled up on the lounge with me watching movies. But instead, she's lying in a hospital bed in this dark room struggling to breathe. The sunflowers beside her bed are wilting, petals dropping to the ground.

"Tilly, in all honesty, I'm not well and I may not be here for much longer..." She says breathing hastily.

Please not right now. Not ever. I'm not ready.

"Mum..." I say feeling a burn in my cheeks as my eyes begin to tear up.

"No Tilly, baby, listen to me... You're going to be a star. You're going to do it with or without me by your side. You're going to have amazing people around you and you will achieve success. Don't ever stop until..." She trails off and closes her eyes. I take her hand in mine, listening to her slow breaths. I tried to paint her nails every week with a different colour to brighten her up. Her nails are a bright yellow colour, juxtaposing against her pale skin.

"Mum please don't leave me... I can't... lose you." I say through sobs placing my head on her stomach, careful not to hurt her. I feel her hand gently stroke my hair and fumble at my ear. "I love you." I say, feeling her hand slow down. I get a sick feeling in my stomach.

"Mum?" I whisper.

No response.

March 28th, 2015

I wake up and scramble at the sheets around me, my black singlet drenched in sweat and my eyes crusty from crying in my sleep. I catch my breath and take a deep breath, steadying my breathing to a slow pace. I grip my chest with my hand, the other holding my body up. The sun is only just rising, and its golden rays pour through the window, spreading across the bed. I reach for my phone to call Dad, Anne or even Gemma but my hand is met with the cold wood of the side table.

Right. No phone.

I rub my eyes and get out of bed, walking myself to the bathroom and turn the shower on. I step in, not waiting for it to warm up. The cold-water splashes against my back and I let out a gasp. Now I'm really awake. I close my eyes and the dream replays in my head.

The memories come flushing back and it makes me feel rubbish. I miss her so fucking much its physically painful.

The water begins to heat up as I start to feel better and I use the body wash to clean my skin. Today is the first day of many for filming. Today I meet with the cast and begin a journey I've wanted to begin for ages.