Finer Things // h.s.

Landslide

"Will you be mine?" He whispers into my ear, his lips brushing against my earlobe, his breath hot down my neck and my eyes widen.

"Excuse me?" I say back in disbelief and I feel his fingers press tighter onto my thighs and I melt into his chest, inching towards his lips with my own.

"No one else's..." He says gently and I try to figure out what he's actually asking through his drunken words.

"I'm nobodies." I say back confidently.

"What about that actor guy... Jack." He says and I laugh.

"His name is James and no, I'm not his." I say back.

"What about that guy from the window?" He says softly and I hear the sadness from his voice.

"What're you talking about, Harry?" I say in confusion.

"When we were... nineteen... I came to see you and um, you we're with someone and you, no I, watched as you um...yeah." He says and I lift my head from his chest to look at him.

"What?" I furrow my brows and try to understand what he's saying.

"Nothing." He mumbles and with an exhale walks out of the room.

"Harry, wait!" I call out and jump off the bathroom sink and follow him to my room where he lay sprawled on the bed, hands covering his face.

"Who was I with?" I ask softly.

"I just wish that it had of been me." He says and at this point I'm completely lost, what is he possibly talking about?

"Look, I'm really, really confused right now and if you could-" I begin to say but with that my wrists are pulled into him and he kisses me, his hands travelling over my back and through my hair. His kiss is completely intoxicating, and I feel myself losing breath, so I inhale deeply which causes a moan to escape his lips. I break from the kiss and leave our noses touching.

"It was autumn and the air was cold, I took Gemma's bike and rode to your house to see you and it was like three in the morning or some shit and when I arrived at your house, there was someone in your room and you we're undressing for him and I stood there and realised, you were never mine and possibly wouldn't ever be mine." He says as he clenches his eyes and furrows his brow, falling back and spreading his body onto my bed.

I sit up straight and remember that night. I missed Harry so much that I began to grow bored and I suppose sex cured the boredom for a little while. I was so lost in my life at that point that I needed someone, I needed anyone, to be there and allow me to have some type of control. I missed my Mum, Dad was always working, Gemma and Anne could only be there so much ad the girls at school turned on me after Harry left. 

"Harry I-" I turn to see he's passed out asleep, his lips slightly parted as soft groans and deep breaths escape his mouth. I push a clump of curls out of his face and lay down next to him, watching his chest slowly rise and fall.

"So that's why you stopped talking to me, isn't it? Because I suppose that, without knowing it, I broke your heart first." I whisper, not expecting an answer from the very tired, overworked and secretive boy that lays next to me.

******

Sun pours in through the room and I roll over to see no Harry but at this rate, waking up without him after a night with him has become no surprise. The sound of cheerful singing comes from the bathroom door which sits ajar. I smile and rub at my eyes, laying as I listen to Harry singing. I stand from my bed and go to the window and move the curtains to look out over the fields, sun pouring into my eyes as I fumble at the soft curtains. I arch my back and throw my arms in the air stretching my body from the night's rest. The shower turns off and Harry comes out wrapped in a towel, his hair wet and slicked back. I know he was drunk when he said it, but he asked me to be his. Why does he insist on adding to the confusion of he and I?