FNAF on Drugs: Bonnie on Crack, 5 Nerds at Freddy's, and other jacked-up stories

Everyone's Horrible Adventure

ONE LOVELY DAY:
*Author and her Nerds bust down the wall of Freddy's and begin firing machineguns at random*
Freddy (sits up from reading a magazine on the couch): What the heck are you guys doing?!
Author (puts on sunglasses like a boss): No time to explain. Get in the van.
Bonnie: What van?!
Author (facepalms): How do you think we got here?
Naz: GET IN *proceeds to cram animatronics into the back of a white van*
(Author hops in the front with Naz climbing into the passenger seat and the other three Nerds filing into the back)
(Author guns the engine and takes off at top speed)
Freddy (holding onto his top hat for dear life): What've you done this time Author?!
Author: Stole a few guns, bought some cocaine, and now we're off to break the fourth wall.
Foxy: I HATE YOU.
Chica: Do you even know how to drive?!
Author: Haven't a darn clue! *huge dopey grin*
Bonnie (screams): WHERE'S THE POLICE AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!
Naz: Three options: Eating doughnuts, cloning huge man-sized police spiders, or else chasing Vincent again, whom, if that's the case, is probably playing his own chase music like a boss.
Lauren: Vincent?
Naz: Purple guy.
Lauren: Ohhh. How would he play his own chase music?
Naz (shows her Author's Tumblr blog): He's literally driving a grand piano in the process.
Clueless: THAT MAKES SENSE.
Author: WE'RE HERE!
(Foxy curses)
Author: GET OUT. *opens the back of the van and literally spikes the animatronics out of the back* YOU TOO, NERDS.
*Nerds scramble out of the front and back seats*
Goldie: now what?
Author: Heads up! *fires a bazooka into a brick wall, causing it to explode and send bricks flying* YAYYYY! WE DID IT!!!
Human: Did what?
Author: Broke the fourth wall! I smashed my third with a hammer a little while ago, before I kidnapped the animatronics and you four!
Human: Figures. I didn't think we'd be breaking the literal fourth wall anyways.
Author: Better watch what you say.
Human (knows perfectly well what Author is capable of, so its only natural she'd be a little scared): Wh-Whaddaya mean?!
Author (points behind the group): Here come the police with their giant man-eating police spiders.
*A group of cop cars approach rapidly, with skyscraper-sized black widow spiders following them*
Everyone except Author: JEEZUS CHRIST! *everyone gets in the van* FLOOR IT, AUTHOR!
Author: On it!
*Author drives everyone off the side of a cliff*
THE END
HAPPY NEW YEARS