KISS: In The Band

Ch 15: Eggshells (Eric C)

Gene had gone home to see Shannon and try his best to apologize adequately for what he had done. I had wished him luck but Bruce had just kept staring sullenly at him. Finally, after the door shut behind Gene, I turned to Bruce, raising an eyebrow. "There. He's gone. You happy now?" He rolled his eyes. "Look, you might be able to move on, but I'm not. I can't just let go of everything he did, everything all of them did!" 

"I know they messed up but come on man, they're our friends!" I shouted. "No! I'm not able to just forgive them like that! What they did was bullshit and I'm not over it!" he cried, face going red. "You're never over it! You never get over things! You always take everything so personally, man, dammit! Every single little offhand comment you just internalize and you take it all so seriously! I'm always walking on eggshells around you! I always have to think about what I say or what I do or even what I fucking eat so I don't end up restarting your eating disorder or some other issue you have!"

He took a step back, chest heaving, face darkening into a scowl. "Then why the fuck are you still roommates with me?! I mean shit, you ever think maybe I wanted to have a roommate who was actually responsible?! Someone I could trust to do the most basic tasks without finding a way to mess it up?! Someone I could actually trust to do literally anything?!" he yelled.

Anger spasming across my face, I balled my hands into fists. "Yeah, that's a good ass question! Why the fuck am I still roommates with you?!" "Maybe you shouldn't be!" he roared, face red. Without even thinking, I punched him in the face, splitting his lip. There was silence as we stared at each other in horror before he shoved me away. "Fuck you!" "No! Fuck you!"

It took us two seconds to dissolve into a full-on fight, both of us swinging wildly and missing more punches than we hit. Eventually Bruce shoved me to the ground, chest heaving. "I fucking hate you!" he screamed, bursting into tears and storming to our room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Like always, like fucking always, my anger faded and I was left standing there alone realizing how badly I had just messed up. "Oh...wait...no..." I murmured, feeling sick. "No I didn't...I didn't mean that," I said aloud, knowing there was no way he could hear me. And of course it didn't matter how much I meant it or not, I still said it. And it still hurt him.

Still feeling two seconds away from puking, I grabbed his inhaler off the kitchen counter, taking a deep breath and walking into our room. "Get out," he snarled, trying very hard but still failing to hide the fact he was crying. "I'm so sorry, I didn't--" "Get out." "I just thought maybe you--" "Eric. Get. Out."

Nodding, I bit down on my lip to stop myself from crying, setting his inhaler on the dresser. "I'm so sorry," I whispered, quickly closing the door behind me. I stumbled over to the couch, sitting down and folding my legs underneath me before giving up and letting myself dissolve into tears.

Baxter jumped onto the couch, trying to lick the tears off my face while whimpering in distress. I just shook my head, drawing my knees to my chest and sobbing harder. I sat on the couch for who knows how long, trying to get myself to stop crying and trying to think of the right words to apologize to Bruce.

Before I could even make an attempt to apologize, he walked out of our room, heading for the front door. "I'm done," he said simply. I stared after him in horror before jumping to my feet and running after him.

"Bruce, Bruce please wait, don't be like this! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to say those things! I didn't mean those things!" I wailed, chasing him down the hall. He shook his head, trembling. "No. Just...no." I grabbed his arm, tears spilling over again. "Please, please Bruce, please don't do this. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, please don't do this! I don't want to lose you again, Bruce please, please," I begged, clinging to him.

He turned slowly to look at me, pulling his arm free. "I'm going for a walk." "Please come home after," I whispered. "I will."

I sat waiting anxiously on the couch as he was on his walk, hoping desperately he'd be back soon. It was hours later that he finally returned, and I breathed a sigh of relief, rising to my feet. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking stupid, I d-don't know what I was doing, I never should've...never should've said those things. It's not true, I don't feel like that about you, I'm so sorry."

"No. You're right. About what you said, I mean. I do internalize everything. I take everything out of context and hurt myself more than anyone really tries to hurt me. And I do struggle with moving on and letting go, and I do make you walk on eggshells around me. And I'm sorry," he said numbly, absentmindedly wiping away blood from the corner of his mouth.

I shook my head, grabbing his arm. "No. Bruce, listen to me. You don't do any of that stuff. You just respond naturally when people do hurtful things to you. Like...like what I just did. And what the rest of them had done. And I'm so sorry. And also I'm really sorry for punching you in the face." He gave me a thin smile before shaking his head. "It's okay. We both messed up. And I'm sorry for what I said to you. Yeah you can be irresponsible sometimes, but that's part of what I love about you. And I trust you more than anyone, to be honest."

I nodded, pausing for a moment before giving him a tight hug. "I'm sorry." He hugged me back, shaking his head. "Don't be. I'm sorry too. It's okay though. I'm glad you're roommates with me, even though I just told you I wasn't." "I'm such a terrible friend man I'm sorry," I mumbled. He shook his head again. "No you're not. I'm the mess, I always have been, and I probably always will be. Sorry you always have to deal with me." "Bruce, shut up. You're not a mess, you just struggle sometimes. We all do. You're my best friend ever, okay? Don't forget that."

He smiled faintly, sitting on the couch and scratching Baxter behind the ears. "Sorry though. For what I said." "It's okay. I'm sorry too. I didn't mean any of the stuff I said. I love you man, you're my best friend. I'm just...I've just been really stressed out lately. With the wedding and all that, you know? Like what if I do something to mess it up?" 

Smiling, Bruce shook his head, giving me a hug. "You won't. You won't, man. It's gonna be fine, I promise." "I'm gonna miss being your roommate," I mumbled, hugging him back and burying my face in his shoulder. He sighed, unwilling to let me go. "I know. Me too." "It's the only downside to marrying the love of my life and my high school sweetheart," I said sadly.

He sat back, holding me at arm's length. "Eric Carr, you listen to me. You and Carrie deserve to be happy together, alright? You go and get married and be happy with her! Besides, Lisa and I are going to move in together, it's going to be fine. Give it two weeks and you'll be married and happy with a wonderful woman!" 

Shaking my head, I threw my arms around him, giving him a tight hug. "Dammit I've only got two more weeks being your roommate and I ruined a day of it by fighting with you." He laughed, hugging me back. "Oh shut up. It's been four years, the fact we've only had one big fight is pretty damn solid. Now come on, let's do something fun to make up for it."