KISS: In The Band

Ch 36: Week's Up (Ace)

It had been seven days since I had walked out on my husband, which meant it was time for me to see him again. I drew to a halt outside our front door, taking a deep breath before unlocking it and walking inside. "Peter? Hey, I'm back!" I called. 

There was a long pause before he walked into the front hall, leaning on the door and looking at me sadly. "Hey...Ace," he mumbled. "How was your week?" There was a long pause as we just stared at each other. He looked awful, due to the fact he had just gone through withdrawals, and I felt a bit bad. "It was...interesting. I had time to think and I think we need to talk." 

Peter detached himself from the wall, walking over until he was standing in front of me, crossing his arms across his chest. "Alright. Let's talk," he said quietly. "I did some thinking over the weekend too. Can I...go first?" he asked slowly. I nodded, also folding my arms across my chest. He heaved a sigh, running a hand through his hair. "Look, Ace, babe...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I put you through. It wasn't fair to you, and you were right to call me on it."

I nodded, motioning for him to continue, and he sighed again. "I'm willing to change. I'm trying to get out of it, to-to be a better person and a better husband for you. I stopped the drugs, and-and the drinking, and I promise I w-won't get back into it. I got help this time, I talked to like an addiction hotline and stuff, so it's going to be different this time. I'm going to be better this time." 

There was a long pause as I slowly raised an eyebrow. "You didn't stop the drinking though. I know you got wasted at a bar and Bruce had to call you a cab home. Gene called and asked if I had seen you then told me later where you had been. So you didn't stop that. So how do I know you really stopped the drugs?" I asked coldly.

Peter absolutely deflated, face crumpling. "Ace...Ace I'm sorry it was one night, r-right after you left, I was upset and I was scared you wouldn't come home. That was the last time, I promise, I promise. And I haven't used drugs in a week, I swear." I nodded, giving him a thin smile. "Good job. I'm proud of you." He gave me a small smile back, eyes sad. "Thanks. I really love you, and I really want to be better for you."

I took a deep breath, biting on my lip. "Alright, before we go any further I need to say my piece. Peter, be honest with me. Have you ever wanted a kid?" There was a long pause as his face turned red before he slowly shook his head. I sat down at the table, heart pounding. "W-why didn't you ever tell me? Why the hell did you lead me on?! Why the absolute fuck didn't you tell me before we got married?!" I cried, getting angrier by the second.

"Well it never came up until after we got married!" he protested. "So?! You should've told me you didn't want one before we got married! We should've talked about it!"

"Ace, I'm a gay man! I never thought I'd have kids! I never thought it would be an issue because you didn't fucking tell me you wanted kids in the five fucking years we were dating! I'm sorry you feel I led you on! I just...I'm sorry! I thought that maybe...that maybe if I gave it time, that maybe if I waited a few years I'd come around to the idea and I'd want to have a kid the same way you did! But I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I just don't want a kid!"

"Dammit Peter! Dammit! I just wasted five years trying to start a family with someone who doesn't even want a family!" He leapt to his feet, face red. "Wasted five years?! Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were happy with me! I thought you loved being married to me! I thought you loved me!" he shouted. "Well I thought you wanted to have a family together!"

"Dammit Ace I've tried my best! I've really tried to make you happy! I want to keep trying for you! I'm not going to stop you from trying to adopt a baby, I'm not going to stop us from adopting a baby! I just...I just want you to understand that it isn't really something I want," he said quietly.

"Oh so what, you're just gong to leave me to raise the kid all on my own?!" I shouted. "That's not what I'm saying! I'm going to do my best, I promise! I'm going to do everything I can to make you happy and make our family happy! I just don't want a kid myself so I might not be as involved as you are! But I'm going to be supportive, I swear!"

"That's not good enough! If you don't want a kid, then fine! We'll just get a divorce!" He gave me a hurt look that was quickly replaced by anger. "Ace, what the fuck do you want from me?! I promised to support you, I've been supporting you, I love you and I care for you! What more do you fucking want?!"

"I just want you to be better!" Red-faced and shaking, he shook his head. "No, you know what?! I'm done! I'm so fucking done! If you don't like being together, then we won't be together! Let's just fucking get divorced!" he screamed, tears welling up in his eyes. "If that's what you want, then fine, we'll do it!" I shouted back.

"It's not what I want! All I want is for you to be happy! But apparently you can't be happy when you're with me! I mean dammit Ace, I'm trying my best! I set up the stuff with the adoption agency for you, I bought us a house, I'm getting clean for you, but it's never enough! It's never fucking enough! So if you want to be done, then we can be done!" 

"Well do you want to be done?!" "No! No, I love you and I don't want a divorce! But I don't want to keep you stuck in a marriage you don't want to be in!" he wailed. There was a long pause before I took a step forward, pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry. I just don't know if it'll work," I whispered. He bit back a sob, clinging to me for a second before stepping back. "Ace I-I wanna work this out between us and fix our marriage. S-so I think...I think we should take a break. Both of us. To fix ourselves. T-then maybe in a few days or weeks or months we can get back and do some couples counseling." 

I bit down on my lip before nodding slowly. "I think...that's a good idea. I think that's what we should do." He gave me a weak smile. "So we take a break, we come back, we get our shit together, and...and we adopt a baby, okay?" "Promise?" I murmured, and he nodded, giving me a soft kiss. "Promise. Look, you stay here. I have a friend on the outside of town I can crash with. You stay here, you get better, you calm down, and I'll do the same but just not here. Then we'll come back, okay?" 

I nodded again, giving him a hug. "Okay." 

He threw a bag together quickly and stood at the door, Rags in his arms. "I love you. I've never not loved you," he whispered, giving me one last kiss before heading out the door. 

And just like that, my husband and I took our first break.