KISS: In The Band

Ch 31: Don't Leave (Peter)

The door swung shut behind Ace and I let out a sob, crumpling to the floor and bawling my eyes out. Seven days, a whole fucking week until Ace would come back. Seven days alone, out of the band with nothing else left.

I pushed myself upright, scowling. "No, fuck you Peter. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and use this week to get your shit together! He's right, all of them are right! You're ruining your life and Ace's and you need to stop. And you're going to stop. Gonna stop right now," I said to myself, wiping away tears with a balled fist.

Getting a lot more angry than sad now, I stormed through the apartment, gathering together all of my cocaine. "Fucking stupidass bitch. Dammit Peter, what the hell are you doing?! Stop trashing your life for drugs!" I hissed, taking all my drugs and flushing them down the toilet. "Yeah, get the fuck out of here," I growled, before finding my burner phone, snapping it in half and throwing away the pieces. "Dumbass!" I cried, taking every bottle of alcohol out of the fridge and pouring it down the sink.

I stood in the middle of the kitchen, chest heaving, before sitting down abruptly on the floor. "Alright, that's step one. Now you gotta get help so you don't cycle back into this bullshit," I said, pulling out my phone and dialing an addiction hotline, staring up at the ceiling and pouring out my whole life story to the woman on the other end.

I talked for hours, taking note of all the advice she gave me and talking about all of my issues. I had just hung up when there was a knock on the door. Hoping desperately it was Ace, I jumped to my feet and pulled open the door, staring at Gene in surprise. "Oh! Uh hey look Gene I'm really sorry. For today, and for everything. You were right to cut me out of the band, I need help and I was just dragging down the rest of you. I mean I was...I was throwing off the shows and-and-"

He shook his head, putting a hand on my shoulder and giving me a crooked smile. "Hey, it's okay. Look, I kicked you out because I care about you. I know that seems backwards, but you seriously need help. You've struggled with this for a long time, for almost two decades, and it's hard, and you've done really well but you've also slipped up a lot."

"Yeah I know," I mumbled, face burning. "But look Peter really, I want you to be happy. You're my friend, you've been one of my closest friends since fifth grade. Seeing you on drugs scares me. I don't want you to throw away your life over them!"

My heart melted and I blinked back tears. "T-thanks," I choked. "Is Ace home? I wanted to talk to him a bit about how he might have a drinking problem, because I'm worried about him too." "Uh...no. He's taking a break. He's staying in a hotel until next Friday." Gene gave me a surprised look. "Oh. Shit, I'm sorry. Anyway, I also wanted to stop by to see how you were doing. I'm worried about you and I wanted to make sure you're doing okay. Or as okay as you can be."

I sniffed, wiping my eyes. "Um...if you wanna come in we can just talk inside," I mumbled. He nodded, giving me a soft smile and following me inside. I sat on the couch, running a shaking hand through my hair. "I know I have an issue. I've been off and on addicted to cocaine since I was 11. And it's ruining my life. H-he walked out on me man! If-if he divorces me I don't know what I'll do. I love him, I've never loved anyone else, I can't lose him."

Gene gave me a sad look, nodding. "Look, Peter, senior year you picked drugs over Ace and he was devastated. He's scared you'll do it again. Show him you won't." I nodded, hugging myself tightly. "I know, I know. I don't want to, I love him! I've already thrown out all my cocaine, I flushed it, I trashed my burner phone and I dumped all my alcohol down the drain. A-and I called an addiction hotline, I had just finished talking to them when you showed up. I want to be better, I'm going to be."

He nodded again, giving me a hug. "You can get through this again Pete, I know you can. You're a strong person," he said softly. I buried my face in his shoulder and broke down into tears. He held me tightly against his chest as I sobbed into his shirt. "You're going to be okay. I'm right here to help you. We all are."

"I-I'm scared! I'm scared of withdrawals again and I'm scared of losing Ace and I'm scared of becoming addicted to cocaine even more and ending up like my dad and Ace wants to have a family b-but I'm scared of that too and I fucked it up and we lost eligibility and-and-"

Gene sat back, holding me at arms length. "Peter. It's okay. It's okay to be scared. You're going to get through this. I'm going to help you through this. Look, if you want I can call Shannon and see about putting you up in the guest room until you're over withdrawals since Ace isn't home." "No, no I don't want to do that to you guys, it's fine. I've gotten over them alone before, I'll be fine." "No you haven't. You were at your grandparents' in high school and Bruce told a few years ago he helped you get through it in college. Don't be stubborn and do this alone. Seriously man, you can stay with us if you need to."

I took a deep breath, nodding. "Thanks. But I really don't want to be a burden, especially not with everything with Nick that happened. I'll be okay, but if I'm not I'll call you." He nodded, giving me a faint smile. "Alright. I'm gonna stop by every day and bug you though." I tried not to cry again and gave him a grateful smile, scratching Rags behind the ears. "Thank you, really. I really can't say how much you mean to me and I really appreciate everything you do for me." He rose to his feet, eyes sad. "I'm proud of everything you've done and I really want you to succeed. Let me know if you need anything and I'll see you tomorrow." 

He left, just like Ace had, except I knew I'd at least see him tomorrow.