I will always love you

IT'S NOT GOODBYE

PLAY SONG WHEN INDICATED TO

'What's up?' I ask Charlie. 

'So CPS huh? Are you going into foster care?' he asks

'I am not excited trust me' I say almost rolling my eyes.

'Instead of going into foster care you could just come and live with me and my family. Its only temporary, if you don't want to be adopted I will just be your guardian, but if you do want to be adopted then Olivier will finally have a daughter' he said with a smile.

'We would never want to replace your parents. We could never do that. We just want you to be part of our family, that's all.' he added on

'I don't know' I said there was too much going on in my head for me to think about this and give him an answer immediately.

'You don't have to give me an answer right away. We could always talk about it after the burial' he said

'Okay' I said and we hugged. 

We walked back into the living room and Miss Michaels said 

'The cremation will be done tomorrow I am assuming that's when you can bury them if you want to' 

'Yeah, I guess.' I respond

'Its up to you Erin. We don't want to pressure you.' Mrs. Smith added

'Its okay. I can do it then.' I respond

'That's all, we will be on our way. Erin, I will come back on Monday and take you to the orphanage' Mrs. Smith added

I didn't respond they hugged me and left. After a while of talking Charlie left, he said he would come back to check on me tomorrow. As I was walking to my room my phone rang. I hadn't realized that I had it on me. 

'Hello?' I answered

'Hey E' Chelsea my bestfriend answered

'I heard Gucci has a new bag collection let's go and shop' she said excitedly

'I can't Chels' I say sadly 

'Why? What's why more important than  hanging with me?' she whines

'I am not in the mood' I answer as my voice cracks 

'E what's wrong?' she asks

'My parents passed last night' I say as I tear up

'Oh Erin why didn't you call me. I am so sorry. Do you want me to come over?' she asks

'No. I just need some space' I tell her

'Its okay. Call me okay?' she adds

'Yeah' and I hang up. 

At this point I was balling my eyes out. I felt so weak I sat on the stairs, hugged my knees and just cried. My parents were gone and they were never coming back, I'm going to bury them tomorrow and I'm being forced to go into foster care on Monday. My world was crumbling around me and there was nothing I could do. 

I hate this. I'm becoming a damsel in distress and I am loathing every single second of it. I wanted them to stop but, my tears kept on flowing. The feeling of loss is no man's bestfriend, why? Because it hurts. The agony increases with every tear. I want to stop feeling. 

I finally gathered myself and walked to my room. I crashed head first into my bed and continued crying. I don't remember falling asleep. Sleep stole me away again. 

JAMES POV 

'Mom why would you do that? Am I not enough?' I ask enraged

How could they want to adopt another kid? I was enough. I had been enough for 16 years now all of a sudden they want another one.

'James honey you know that we struggled to have kids. When we got you we were thrilled. I always wanted a daughter. You have to understand that this is not about you James. It was my choice to tell you and it will be my choice to adopt her. Either way there will be a second female in this house whether you like it or not' she states

'This is about me! Having another kid adopted or not means you don't want me. Have I disappointed you that much? What am I not doing right?' I argue on, following her as she walked to her room.

'James, you could have a sister. You wouldn't be so alone and maybe you wouldn't be so angry. You could have a friend, someone to talk to about everything you can't talk to us about. You're the same age, I'm sure you will understand each other far better than your father and I would have understood you. I am so proud of you, honey I couldn't have asked for a better son. I love you and you will always be my number one. No one can ever replace you.'  she comforts me as she caresses my cheek with one hand, her body completely turned to me.

'I just want someone to talk to. Someone who understands me as a female. I need someone I can go shopping with or to the movies. Someone I can watch telenovelas with or soaps. As much as she is for me, she's for everyone in this family. She's a new addition to our family and could make us more happy than we are now. Just give her a chance. That's all I'm asking.' she adds 

After a few minutes of contemplation I say

'Fine. I want you to be happy' she hugs me and leaves. 

Guess I am getting a sister after all. I will welcome her but she will leave on her own.

ERIN'S POV  

Today is the day. I am already at the funeral home with Charlie and some of my parents closet friends. We just got the urns and are making our way to the mortuary. I can feel my chest tightening. My body is giving out on me. I'm crying again. 

play song

We get to the burial site. I spot my bestfriend Chelsea, the cheer squad, and a couple of my friends from school. I guess no 'BY MYSELF' funeral for my parents. The graves have been dug up and all that's left to do is bury them. At this moment it finally sinks in.

I am alone.

The only people whoever understood me are not with me. I zone out as some of my parents' friends say their last words. Charlie then nudges me to tell me its my turn to speak. He walks with me to the front.

'Thank you all for coming. My parents really wanted this to be a small gathering but I guess I had another plans' I say and everyone laughs

'I didn't expect to be doing this now. It was something on my bucket list under 220 years from now' I add and people laugh again.

'My parents were the best. They loved me so dearly and I did too. They always taught me that life is what I made it.  If I wanted it to be miserable then so would it be, and if I wanted it to be good then it would. They lived there lives with joy and as much as I hate to admit it, they had way more fun than I did' people laugh again.

Sigh.

'Mom, dad... I love you and I always will.' tears start rolling down my cheeks

'I hope you are in a better place and I want... you to know... that moving on... will be hard but I will be okay. I don't... want you to worry. I am... sure things will turn out o...kay. Its okay, I will be al...right eventually...one day we will be together again...this is not goodbye' I say in-between sobs.

Charlie and his wife comfort me and lead me to the pile of soil. I take a handful, and toss some in my dad's grave then some into my mom's. I refuse to say goodbye, they will always be in my heart.

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Hey guys

What do you think? James seems selfish.

Comment and vote

Love, Olly