The Wakeup Call [h.s]

Epilogue(Part Two);

A/N: Attached a photo of Jacob, how cute is he????!!
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- - One Year On - -

Holly's POV

It wasn't meant to be.

That's what they say anyway, whether it's true or not I don't know, I don't really know anything anymore.

Why do people say that? Why do they say; 'well, now you know it wasn't meant to be'. Do they say that hoping it'll make you feel better? Because it doesn't, it doesn't make anything feel better.

Perhaps they say it because they don't know what else to say, because they were the lucky ones who hadn't been in this position before.

Or maybe they say it because it's true, because if it was meant to be, it would be.

But for me it wasn't.

I sat with Jacob feeding him his breakfast before nursery, it was his second week of attending and he seemed to really enjoy it so far.

"You okay baby?" Harry kissed my lips.

I smiled thankful for having him in my life, this past month had been a living nightmare for me, he had been my rock, my soul; my everything.

September 23rd.

That date will forever be in my brain, forever haunt me as the years pass by.

It was the night I miscarried.

I was carrying our second child, the pregnancy was going well, I was fit and happy as was the baby.

But then it just, died. Left me.

I had tried to keep myself positive, I focused solely on Jacob - more than I did before if that was possible. I had tried to let it be a lesson, but with the combination of people telling me 'it wasn't meant to be' and that it'll only 'make me stronger' my resistance was wearing thin.

I didn't know how to cope.

I asked the doctor how I could ever get over it, try again with fear of it happening again, he only told me that I will be ready one day, just not yet.

I had isolated myself after the miscarriage. My mother tried to help but she was the last person I needed, Sophia even tried but I pushed her away too. I'd even distanced myself from Eleanor simply because she now has two beautiful children and I couldn't help but cry that that should have been me too.

"Jacob has nursery, I'm going back to bed after." I answer as Harry makes a tea.

"Don't you have that thing with the therapist?"

Oh yeah.

My doctor had referred me to a therapist. I hated talking about it, she would try and talk about my emotions and how I'm coping with the miscarriage. It made me feel crazy. I didn't want a therapist, I didn't need a therapist.

Just time to recover and my bed.

"I cancelled." I lie. I hadn't cancelled but I was going to the second Jacob was at nursery.

"Babe.." Harry starts walking over to me.

"No Harry, I don't need a therapist. I'm fine."

"You're not fine,"

"I am."

"Look Hol, what you went through was horrific and-"

"Harry just, stop." I close my eyes a tear falling. "I don't need a therapist I just need time so please, let me handle it."

"You don't think it hurts me too?" He asks. "The fact I had to see you go through it all, I had no idea what was going on when they rushed you-"

"Harry." I bark. "Enough."

Jacob looks up at me with his big beautiful eyes as I take him out of his high chair.

"I'm going to bath him," I announce leaving the kitchen.

- -

Once Jacob was at nursery, I cancel my therapy session and head back home, Harry was still home so I headed straight to bed.

"Baby.." He says softly as he walks into our room. I was wrapped up in my sheets desperately trying to get some sleep.

Sleep.

I hadn't slept in what felt like forever.

Harry climbed in next to me, his hand over my stomach, I quickly removed it. He kissed my neck before turning me onto my back so I could look up at him.

"I love you, with all of my heart." He confesses.

"And I love you."

"I was only trying to help Hol, if you don't want to go, then don't."

I smile as he kisses my lips.

"I just hurt so much," I whimper.

"I know, it does hurt. But you have to let me be there for you, you can't just shut everyone out, it won't help."

We play with each other's fingers aimlessly as we watch one another.

"I feel like a failure,"

He frowns. "A failure? How are you a failure?"

"Because.." I feel the tears fall. "Because you married me, and I promised you the world and I can't even bring a child into the world." I cry.

"Baby, no, no, no." He shakes his head wiping my tears. "I married you because you are the only girl I could ever be in love with, I married you because I love everything about you, and us, how much we love each other. I didn't marry you to have fifty children. Don't ever think of yourself as a failure, because if anything you're a winner."

I smile slightly as he watches me.

"You're my strong, beautiful, sexy wife who I would do absolutely anything for."

"You promise you won't leave me?"

He kisses my lips. "There is nothing in this world that could keep me away from you."

I was sure they were lyrics from a song but in this moment I couldn't think exactly what song. All I know is that I love Harry Styles.

"Does this mean I have to put up with you for the rest of my life?" I tease.

He smirks. "Afraid so,"

"I guess you'll do,"

"Glad I meet your standards." He laughs.

I kiss him, I kiss him with all I have in me. The past month I'd kind of neglected any affection towards him, and it was only now that I was realising what I'd been missing out on, and the fact he hadn't complained once made me love him even more.

"You really are something Harry Styles."

"Eh," He shrugs jokingly. "So they say,"

I laugh kissing him again. "We.. we will try again, right?" I ask nervously.

"Try again for..another baby?"

I nod.

"Of course. When you're ready you tell me, I won't ever ask that of you, just let yourself recover."

I cried simply because of how much I love him. How sweet he is, how lucky I really am.

"I may have only said this once or twice before but.. I love you Harry Styles."

He laughs kissing me again. "I love you stupid amounts Holly McIntyre."