Once Upon An Us by Annoxy24

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This wonderful story was reviewed by ridampanesar

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This wonderful story was reviewed by ridampanesar

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Title: One Upon An Us

Author: annoxy24

Genre: Teen Fiction

Title: 4/5

Cover: 5/5

Blurb: 7/10

Grammar: 18/20

Plot: 15/20

Character Development: 15/20

Original: 16/20

Total: 80/100

Honest Review:

This is such a cute story! The cover is so beautiful and converts the summer setting, the title is unique and your grammar is excellent! I suggest you editing your blurb and adding a little more information because although it is unique, I found myself confused before starting the story. I suggest adding a couple more sentences because right not it's a too little.

Your story is quite original although I do have to say, I've read books with similar GENERAL plot like this. Obviously, the actual plot points and details are unique, but if you scratch all that I see a pretty unoriginal love triangle taking place in summer. That isn't a bad, thing as I'm sure you will be able to add a couple of twists to this cliche! I also really enjoy the idea of having the story the reader is reading is different from the actual reality of the characters, and is her own ending that she writes in her diary. That's really unique concept and I can see that so far, you've done a good hob at converting that. 

This may be a personal preference, but I suggest you should SHOW more of the basic information instead of boring the read by TELLING them. You can convey character's relationship/personalities/significant plot points through dialogue and action, instead of writing it in inner monologue. Think about it this way, it's not like we think things like 'Ace is flirty and outgoing." in our head in real life. If this character knows this person for a long time, it wouldn't make sense for her to suddenly think that, because she already KNOWS that. However, the reader doesn't but the reader is smart, so though dialogue and action, they can decipher THEMSELVES that Ace is flirty and outgoing through his dialogue. Anyways I wish you all the best, because with just a little bit of editing around the plot and characters, you will definitely go places.

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Thank you annoxy24 for the amazing story.

Thank you ridampanesar for the wonderful review.

Thank you ridampanesar for the wonderful review

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