𝔼𝕣𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥? [ON HOLD]

65

❤️Trigger Warning❤️
❤️Relapse❤️

After using the elevator and walking down a couple halls I finally reach Katsuki's dorm room. Inside it sounded completely silent, but that may also be because of the really thick walls here.

I gently knock on his door, but hear nothing in return.

I knock again. More firm and demanding this time. Still no answer.

I bang on the door once and hear an explosion from inside, smirking the door in front of me swings open to reveal my angry and tired looking boyfriend.

"WHA- oh.. it's just you.." My smirk falls. What does that mean? 'It's just you.' Was he expecting someone else?

He shuffles me inside without another word, wrapping me in his warm embrace and nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck.

"You doing okay?" I say, beginning to run my hands through his hair, some of his tension fades, but not completely.

"Why the fuck wouldn't I?" I shrug and hum.

"I don't know, a lot of reasons. You work differently than others Kat. I just have the gut feeling you're not." I say quietly. I hear him sigh.

"You're right. When I saw you at the camp... I thought the worst. I thought you were fucking dead." I was gonna make a comment about being right but it died in my throat as he explained. "Then I spent both days there only thinking that you might be dead, and that it was my fault."

I hear his breath hitch. Before a wet substance starts to soak my shirt where his head was. Was he really that upset??

"Shit.. I should've just insisted that we went together! Then you would've been okay! Fuck!" I frowned. "And now I'm sitting here, being all weak and shit, and I fucking hate it!"

My grip tightened around him.

"I see nobody being weak.. You did all you could and still got out of there, keeping your head high even though I could've been dead." I whispered as he dragged me down to where we were both laying together on his bed.

"That is not being weak. You were so strong even though there was so much pressure." I said firmly. "Do not ever believe that you are being weak if you're feeling emotions. If I get hurt it's my own damn fault for not being cautious enough." I laughed a little at the last sentence.

I hear him hum before we sit in a comfortable silence, him taking even and steady breaths, while I played with his hair and randomly gave kisses.

The breeze outside blew softly when I hear a small snore. I jump only slightly before realizing Kat had only fallen asleep.

I sighed and thought back to what happened. Shivering at the memory.

Did he only love me out of pity? If so, why does he go so far to make me feel safe? What happens if we don't work out??

My breathing catches in my throat as my thoughts consume me, dragging me into the cold hard truth of my mind.

What if I'm not enough? What if he gets bored of me?

I feel tears starting to leak out of the corners of my eyes, but even then I made no sound, scared to wake Kat up and deal with everything. Including my memory.

I didn't want to risk being seen when I was doubting him and have to tell him about it.

Gods why can't I forget what happened?! I need to forget!

I see a glint in the corner of the room, it was a fabric cutter, a blade in other words. Would it help if I did?

No, I promised Eijiro I wouldn't. Never again.

I slowly unwrap myself from my boyfriend, and wipe my eyes, I was going to go find Eijiro, he could help me. I need my brother.

I open the door quietly, and slip out into the hallway. Trotting down to the common room I saw a few people left, which fortunately for me, included my brother.

I tapped on his shoulder, alerting him. His eyes turn up to me and I watch as his smile disappears into shock, he looked surprised that I was here.

"Sis? What are you doing down here?" I shook my head, unable to open my mouth in fear that I would start sobbing and lose control completely.

I feel my eyes starting to water again and watch his expression turn serious.

"Who made you cry?" His tone was laced with malice and an intent to kill. "Was it Bakugou?" I shook my head and tugged on his sleeve. Asking him to come with me instead of being in front of an audience.

He seemed to get the memo, and turn to the rest of the kids, apologizing about leaving before following after me.

"Sis, who made you cry?" He asked again once we were walking somewhere more private. He continued to ask and beg for me to answer him.

"It was me! I made myself cry!" I began sobbing. "Dabi... he..." I leaned forward and hugged onto my brother, clutching onto him like a lifeline.

"He said things..! And I can't forget..!" I wailed into his shirt, "And earlier... I saw a blade-," I didn't get to finish before Eijiro was pulling my sleeves up. Checking for cutting.

He didn't find any but still looked at me in worry.

"I almost broke my promise... I almost did... so I ran away." He wraps me in a hug. "I went to you cause I knew if I was with you I wouldn't." I seemed to slowly calm down.

He lets me sit there for a moment longer, rubbing my back and assuring me that I was okay and safe now. While I just dried my tears in his shirt, begging myself for forgiveness.

The hallway was still and quiet, and I was pretty sure people could hear me even with the thick walls.

"I'm sorry..." I apologized as I tried to pull away, "I'm being a bother aren't I?" I proven wrong as I'm not let go.

"You're not. I'm so proud of you. You didn't break your promise.. I don't know what I would have done if I found that you had cut again." He sighed sadly. "I know sometimes it can feel like it's the only thing giving you control, but instead, it's only gonna take away your choice."

I nodded into his shirt.

"What happened in there?" He asked after a while of silence.

My breath catches in my throat. And I realize I don't really want Katsuki to hear what happened, he would think I'm stupid for doing something like I did.

I guess I was gonna have to tell someone eventually, might as well be now when I'm already at my lowest. I sighed before starting.

"Too much..."