𝔼𝕣𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥? [ON HOLD]

88

I walked into the classroom with deep eye bags, my pride was on the line though so I acted as if everything was fine. When my friends asked whether I was okay, I deflected and answered with a smile saying I was never better.

That was a lie.

I don't know when I've felt any more alone.

Nobody could understand me right now. Not one person.

When my brother tried to ask for a hug I complied and put up a front and hug him. Though it made me feel better while it was happening it faded once his warmth left.

He couldn't read my mind.

I couldn't vent onto him.

Nobody could understand me right now. Not one person.

When my parents tried to get me out of my room to have dinner the night of the arguments and I just shut them out. I couldn't face them right now. I just wanted to be left alone, then maybe I would feel like more people could understand.

Nightmares followed my every move.

Enough that even standing next to Todorokis flames I was still shivering.

Nobody could understand me right now. Not one person.

When Katsuki was allowed back in class I could see him following me with his eyes, he looked as if he were seeing a ghost. I couldn't blame him though, I fit the part.

I was so angry, so tired, I just wanted everything to stop. It was going too fast.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

But the world kept turning. I applied for Rock Locks agency, eventually getting an acceptance note from Aunt Nemi saying that I would be training with him first before anything else.

I was okay with the setup, though I wasn't the most excited about it.

Not only that but with all the stress recently my period has stopped. It scared me momentarily, making me think I was pregnant, though the most intimate I got with Katsuki was kissing and cuddling.

I felt completely shut off from the world.

It was strange.

Foreign.

It scared me.

It was like I didn't have my voice again and couldn't speak up for myself. Though this time it was as if I had word constipation.

"Lily?" I heard a voice break my thoughts, it was Tokoyami. "I was wondering since you didn't have the best day yesterday that we would work today instead."

Oh shoot, I had completely forgotten that I had agreed to train with him yesterday.

"Oh! Yeah sorry, I got a little distracted yesterday. I'm fine now, so today works just fine!" I was unnecessarily chipper.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Katsuki's frown deepen. As if he knew exactly what he was seeing. I knew that I was distancing myself, I was just tired of being hurt by people I loved so that makes it okay right?

Tokoyami frowns, "You know what, we can do this at a different time, you are still not okay."

"What? I'm fine! Promise!" That was empty. But great try. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom if Mr. Aizawa asks I'll be back soon." I smiled and waved at the bird-like boy before exiting the classroom.

I could feel my throat closing up, as I tried to take a deep breath I closed myself in one of the stalls. I clawed at my throat, shutting my eyes in an attempt to control myself.

I fought against my instincts to cry a river, knowing that I would have to go back to class soon. I wonder what we would be doing today.

I looked around the room and tried to find five things I could see.

Four things I could touch.

Three things I could hear.

Two things I could smell before I could feel myself coming out of my attack.

It wasn't long after that, that I heard a knocking on the bathroom door itself. "Dry eyes? You in there?" Finally, I felt a hot substance running down my cheeks, frantically I wiped them away.

The nickname somehow brought comfort to me, a small broken smile broke through my hardened heart. I could feel myself becoming lighter within seconds, with the hope that maybe he wasn't here to be mad and fight with me.

I heard him knock again, it sounded softer, as if he were a lion approaching a lamb. Maybe he wasn't mad at me, maybe he wanted to try and fix things.

I wanted to believe it. So I did. I began hanging on to the little thread of hope that I could keep somebody.

Just like that, and without a second thought, I opened the stall door, walking quickly to the bathroom one, swung it open, and threw my arms around the hot-headed boy.

"I'm sorry too. Katsuki." I hear his breath hitch and feel arms wrap around me. His arms around my lower back, bringing me closer to him as if he couldn't believe I was hugging him at that moment.

"Stop fucking saying you're fine. Shitty hair told me about yesterday. You're absolutely allowed to feel like shit." I breathed in his calming scent.

A mix of caramel and lavender that I had grown to love. I didn't answer but instead opted to nuzzle closer to him. And even without looking at his face, I knew he was somewhat relieved.

"Fuck it." He said. I was momentarily confused as my head was forced back out of his neck.

"What-..." That momentary confusion soon passed though as warm and feverish lips crashed onto my own. I kissed back immediately. No doubt in my mind that this was certainly the man that I loved.

He doesn't wait for people. He's impatient, bad-tempered, loud, and an overall jackass.

But I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt my heart sometimes when I was without him, making it hard to breathe as I could hardly bear it to know he still loved me the same when I broke it off with him.

"I... love... you so... so much..." He whispered in between kisses, making them desperate attempts to breathe through both of our excitement.

And though he may be mentally challenged, he is morally good. He can treat me right if I allowed him to, and I would want nothing more than to do my best to make him happy.

I just couldn't seem to get enough of him, my hands traveled along his back as his own held me by my hips.

Slowly but surely, our kissing became less frantic and forced as it transformed into something loving and understanding. If anything I could most certainly take away from this was how much we both still loved each other even when we weren't on the best of terms.

Katsuki could understand me right now. Just this one person.

And that was enough.

~~~

"WELL FUCK!" I screamed as I looked down to see red stains. "My period's back..."