Twisted Destiny...

12. Am I Not Worth It?

I have been in the park for around 15 minutes and there's still no sign of Alex. Well, is this a prank? It better not be. I am not able to figure out how did I piss him off with a simple phone call. It's so not like him. I try calling him but he doesn't pick up. I decide to give up and talk to him later. I have work too. Plus I am not able to walk properly. Maybe he did it too rough. I think of yesterday's night. So beautiful and mesmerizing. So much emotions were involved. Or was it only me? But today it feels like something is going to get wrong. It's a gut feeling.  Whatever it is, I need to face it. Now it's not the time to back away.
I decide to wait for 10 minutes more. What if he suddenly comes and finds me missing.

20 minutes has passed. Ugh! I cannot wait any longer. As I was about to exit the park, I see the headlights of the car and I know it's Alex's. He parks his car near my side. Rolling the window he gestures me to come inside. I obey and sit on the the passenger seat.

"you made me me wait for 25 minutes..."

"Listen, I don't have time for this" he cuts me off mid sentence. I stared at him with a sad expression, my lips forming a small pout. Whereas he was void of any emotion. What has happened to you Alex.

"me neither, but why do you look so mad at me, have I done anything  wrong... Yesterday's night was so good. I thought something is going to change.. But in a good way. I-"

" Stop blabbering Elena". He looked at me with angry eyes. His voice was very sharp. I could sense he was boiling inside.

We looked into each other's eyes. Shaking his head he gently took my hand, and rested it on his thigh.
" Listen lena. Whatever I am going to tell you is not.."

"Come straight to the point Alex. You are scaring me now"

He takes a deep breath. " I-I am sorry Lena. But I cannot be with you."
And there I lost all my hopes.
What have I done wrong?
Why this sudden change of attitude?
Am I not good enough for him?
Have I changed myself just to be rejected by him?
Have I become worthless in his eyes?

Before I could question him, he explains further.
"Trust me I have tried so hard. But I cannot accept you as my girlfriend. I cannot commit to you. You have been a good friend of mine. You made me forget about Vira, but I cannot see a future with you."

Did he use me as a rebound?
He can see my unshed tears. He gently cupped my cheeks with both the hands.

" You must be thinking why this sudden change of mind, that's because I cannot give the same love back to you. I know you love me, I have always known. But I can never. Doesn't mean I have used you"
He pulled his hand back.

" Alex, is there something else you aren't telling me.. I can see it"

" yeah. I d-don't know whether you will like to hear or.."

" TELL" I finally raise my voice.

" It's because of Alison... We have been hooking up behind your back.. C'mon, we were not even together. I did not cheat"
So all this because of my sister. MY SISTER.

" Early in the morning before you woke up, I got a call from Alison asking about your whereabouts. She said she wanted to talk to me in personal. Since you were asleep I thought of going to her and know the matter. We talked for sometime and soon I found myself tangled in a bed with her. It wasn't the first time. The day your parents went to attend the function, I wanted to come talk to you. But then met Ali and after having sex, I went through the back door "

Now everything made sense to me.

" what I am trying to tell you is, I had this hidden feelings for her. I don't even k-know how to explain. But after sleeping with her today, I cannot lead you... "

" It's ok. I understand " I did not understand but I cannot bring myself to listen any further.

" Please drop me at home. I need some time. Then things will get figured out "
He nodded and drove. We were silent the entire time. When I reached my home, I couldn't even look at him. No kisses this time. No sweet words. I got out of the car and slammed the door. I couldn't hold any longer and burst out crying. Alex must have seen, but drove off leaving the dust flying.

Running, I went inside my room, locked it and slid to the ground. I brought my knees near and hid my face in it. And the water works started again.

How could he do this to me. Did these 2 months meant nothing to him? He treated me like one of his one-night hookups. But I cannot hate him. I cannot even say that he cheated on me. He was never mine to begin with. But he told the truth before we got serious. If he is happy, then I don't have any right to spoil it. Because I love him still..