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Cold... dark...not knowing where I am... scared... calling Li Jie... he is not here... dark figures chasing me... running... a dim light... running... Li Jie... standing under light... running to him... calling him... no reply... not seeing me... dark figures catching up... rushing to him... holding his hand... nothing... just staring... help me... no... no he says... retracting his hand... finished he says... we are finished... dark figures dragging me back... away from him...

I jump almost out of the bed. Again the same nightmare... I turn on the bedside lamp to chase the nightmare away. I am very scared, my breathing is unstable and I am covered in cold sweat. I look at Li Jie to be sure he is still here with me.

He is still here.

But until when? The voice inside my head asks and I shush it again like I do million times everyday for a year.

My breathing is back to normal so I turn off the lamp and lie back. As he would not come towards me, I shift on the bed and hug him from the back, trying to sleep while sniffing his manly scent that I am used to.

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