BATIM Oneshots

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Wally, staying as Sammy's house for the night. It's 4am: If you were to vacuum up jello, well I think that would be a pretty neat noise.

Sammy: I beg to differ.

Wally: then beg

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Shawn to Grant: Bro, you better shut the fuck up before I look at you and one day feel warm and realize I've fallen in love with you, bro. I'm serious, quit it, dude.

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Henry: Any tips for writing a will?

Grant: If you hate anyone in your family, leave them a penny, so that way they can't sue you for forgetting them.

Wally: That's stupid, just say 'I leave them nothing'.

Sammy: No, leave them a penny. It's a bigger fuck you.

Sammy: You leave them a note and a map leading to a box hidden in the woods, and inside is one penny.

Grant: Or a bomb, you hate them right?

Henry: Oh yeah! I'm dead, what'll they do, arrest me?

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Sammy: Henry if ya can hear me, knock three times, if you can't two times!

Henry: *knocks two times*

Sammy: oh---- hE'S DEAD-

Norman: *facepalms*

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Susie: Remember, when someone insults you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap that motherfucker.

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Wally: *Pushes Sammy into a pool and runs away*

Sammy: *Climbs out* Are you crazy, pushing me in the pool?! I had 40 hits of ecstasy in my pocket!

Sammy: *To the children* Buckle up, kids.

Sammy: *To the parents* They're going to need to go to the hospital.

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Susie: Hey, Joey you know there's a rumor going around that you're gay?

Joey: Rumor? Rumor?! Excuse me, are you telling people are doubting it?

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Someone in the studio: Hey asshole!

Joey: *Automatically turns around*

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Susie and everyone else in the studio: Norman is cold, grumpy and weird. He's always poking his nose in other people business and might be the scariest worker here.

*Somewhere at the same moment*

Norman: Anyone want some weed?!

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Henry: What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child?

Wally: That the tooth fairy exists.

Tom: That the boogy man lived under my bed.

Sammy: That I was straight.

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Norman: *Tilts head* Hey.

Sammy: See, there you go with that head tilt thing. You know, you think you're badass, but whenever you need something, its all *Mimics him* 'Hey',

Norman: Just be lucky I didn't flip my hair, i'd own you.

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Shawn: You better not try me, i'm holding back!

Grant: What're you gonna do? Fight my knees?

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Wally: I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.

Jack, Sammy and Henry: And I feel like you're being a pussy.

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Joey: I live for two reasons.

Henry: And that'd be?

Joey: I was born and haven't died yet.

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Joey: I have invited you into the woods because i crave the most dangerous game.

Sammy and Shawn, nodding: Knife monopoly.

Joey:

Joey: I was actually going to sacrifice you to appese the gods, but now I'm curious to see what the fuck knife monopoly is.

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I have nothing proper to post yet i'm ssoooooorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :(

So I offer you this 🗑:)