Commitment

Part 32

There were times in her life when she thought the whole universe was against her! They were having a dinner party. They were entitled to do that. She wasn't invited. They were entitled to invite whomever they chose. She hadn't been told about the dinner party. They could have told her. That hurt. The fact they hadn't considered even letting her know. They could have couched it in terms of planning for the evening. Instead they had chosen a night they expected her to be away. With a soft sigh she pulled herself together. Well, perhaps she needed to reassess. This wasn't a shared space. Perhaps she needed to see this as a work related environment, where the boss kept herself aloof and didn't meddle in the private lives of her workers.

"So where are your helpers?"

"Helpers?" Gray frowned

"Yes, your helpers, Loretta and your Grandfather?" She used two fingers and found her pulse at her wrist, and held that finger at that junction until her pulse slowed down. Then Regan massaged the joints of her fingers as she confined her sadness and controlled her sense of loss. The two actions were things that she learnt about from a life coach during her medical training, it was provided by her university, to help students to deal with anxiety.

Gray understood Regan's intention. A change in focus. "Loretta's picking up our meal. Grandfather volunteered to join her, because I needed a shower, and we were running out of time, so she offered to pick the food." He gestured toward the table, his eyes flicking to the set up and then back to the woman standing near by, "Look, Regan, I can..."

Regan ignored his last statement, "Oh?" Puzzled Regan wondered what they were going to eat. The dining setting suggested something lavish rather than simple fish and chips. "You ordered out? Where from?"

"We ordered it from that new French place in town." Clearly she was determined to avoid talking about the settings but he tried once again, "Regan we can..."

"Cartier's?" Regan interrupted him. He nodded. "I've heard it's good." And she knew it was expensive, so obviously tonight's dinner was special. And obviously his salary was enough!

He nodded again, and felt increasingly anxious. "Yes. They have a good reputation. And they cater for dinner parties. You tell them the numbers, they suggest a menu, and you opt for a plan and they prepare it, deliver it too, if you live in town. But the farm is outside their limit, so Dad and Lore went to collect it."

"Sounds like everything is set." And clearly this was an important evening, if he'd gone to all that expense and thoughts. Regan shook her head as she fought off the tiredness and sense of loss. "You've probably got last minute things to do. Well, I'd best let you get on." She smiled again. "I was looking forward to an early night. Been looking forward to it for ages." Though now she doubted she'd get an early night. Her brain would be rehashing her stupidity, and her heart would be attempting to regenerate.

Gray rubbed at his cheek and cheek bone, "Regan, I..." He should have mentioned it to her. Told her he'd planned to invite his new girlfriend to a family dinner at the farm. Her farm. Her home. Using her crockery, her linen. He just hadn't expected Regan to be here. But now, standing here with her, trying to explain that a table for four had been set up and did not include her, felt bad-mannered, rude and just plain mean.

Regan interrupted his statement and nodded towards the door, "Oh that sounded like Caro's car. Good job you didn't go to pick up the catering." How is it possible to have a conversation when your heart stopped working?

They both heard the slam of the car door. Gray glanced toward the sound. Regan tried to ignore the impending escalation of sadness.

Regan was relieved to have a reason to escape. She was barely managing to hold onto her smile. "Have a lovely evening, Gray." She looked at him, "You'd better get the door." And with that she headed for her bedroom, not keen to be seen by the other woman. She doubted she could hold it together for much longer. Not when she could feel her heart shattering.