losing you

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It had been four days since Yaku and Alisa's breakdown and the pair grown closer together, especially since the two never left the hospital in fear of something happening while they were away.

"Hey Yaku, I brought some coffee.  Lord Asahi knows we both need it," Alisa said, holding out a cup of foul hospital coffee, but hey, it's better than nothing.

"Thanks Alisa!  So, do you know when visiting hours will be open?" He asked while sipping the coffee.  Alisa shook her head causing Yaku to slightly frown.  He really needed to see Lev today, just as a reminder that he was still there and breathing, even if he was only barely doing so.

40 minutes passed before a nurse walked up to them, smiling creepily.

"Visiting hours are open now, Alisa you can come in first today," The sweet nurse said while beckoning Alisa to come with her.  Alisa gave Yaku a small smile before proceeding to follow the nurse into Lev's room.  Yaku decided that after staying up the past few nights in hopes of Lev waking up, he would try to get some sleep.  His eyes slowly shut and the rest of the world became dark.

Before he knew it, the nurse from earlier was shaking him awake and was leading him down the hall to Lev's hospital room.  Upon entering he saw the familiar lifeless body of Lev.  He rushed to sit by his side and just stared at the ethereal boy as the nurse walked out to give them some privacy.

"Hey babe, how're you doing today?"

Silence.

"It's not like you can hear me or anything but my days have been pretty shitty recently.  I miss you a lot." Yaku said in a sad tone while sitting on the side of Lev's hospital bed.  He looked down, checking his boyfriend's state.  He was cold, pale, lifeless but that wasn't anything new.  Yaku let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in before deciding to converse with lev once again.

"So uhh, I've been listening to this new song recently.  It's pretty sad but at the same time it's just so beautiful, it just tells me that there can be beauty inside of sadness and pain.  Kinda like how things are right now.  Do you want to hear it?"

Silence.

But in the midst of the silence something was urging him to sing, to sing for Lev.  And so he did.

a/n: you have to listen to the song at the top for this part and imagine yaku is the one singing, i made my sister do it and she said the whole part "hits harder" with the song and she hates kpop so that's saying something

"Hold me closer, Dont let me go over

Hold me closer

Lock it away, Keep my heart at your place

Pull me closer

'Cuz anytime and place I'll be your shield

When you feel

Like you ain't got the fight in you to heal

And when you're weak, in defeat I need you to knowww

Baby I would go to war for you

Build an army if you need me to

'Cuz losing me is better than losing you

Don't you know that I would die for you

If I knew that you would make it through

'Cuz losing me is better than losing you"

Yaku held the last note and looked to the ground as tears welled up in his eyes.  Why did all of this have to happen to someone so precious, so valuable, so perfect.  He looked down at Lev and grabbed his hand softly, placing a small kiss on it before he completely broke down.

"Lev, please stay... i-if you won't do it for yourself, stay for me"

Yaku sat in the comfortable silence of Lev's hospital room taking everything in.  He could never know if each time he saw him would be the last time.  Even if every time he visited consisted of Yaku just sitting in the blank room, it had too much significance to him, like the universe was taunting him by playing with Lev's life.  It was too much to take in at once.

"Hey kid, I'm sorry to have to do this but visiting hours are over," A nurse said softly while smiling somberly at him.  Yaku nodded in understanding as he let go of Lev's hand.  He stood up and admired the unconscious boy, hoping it wouldn't be the last time.

"I miss you Lev," Yaku whispered to him as he was led out of the room by the nurse, not noticing the tears running down his face.


"I missed you too sugar..."




a/n: i had to use this song because it fit the chapter so well and I CANT LISTEN TO THIS SONG WITHOUT CRYING AND I LISTEN TO IT LIKE 50 TIMES A DAY, LIKE I LITERALLY CRY EVERY SINGLE TIME I LISTEN TO IT ESPECIALLY CUZ ITS IN ENGLISH AND I CAN UNDERSTAND IT.  FUCK I THINK I'M GONNA CRY CUZ IM TOO SOFT

-norah who's totally not crying now

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