she was different.
her blue eyes. her dimpled cheeks. her green and black hair. her tattoos, her nose piercing that glistened in the light. she didn't smile often, but when she did, it was mostly around me. she protected me, she understood me, she l...
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k a y l a n i
i haven't been in los angeles for four years.
after my almost near death experience, i went to the hospital. my sister, juliana, and my moms came rushing, along with jayden and kyree.
my moms came in the room first and they were crying. kylie was shaking so hard from crying, juliana had an anxiety attack, so she also had to be hospitalized. when billie came in the room, the nurses healed up her knuckles. i told the cops the story, every detail, and i didn't even cry.
i was in the hospital for about two weeks. freddie went to trial and was found guilty and had a life sentence with no parole. nathaniel also went to trial again, found guilty and is serving 20 years in jail for sexual assault.
after that, i began having nightmares, panic attacks and nothing was helping. not therapy, not billie, not my moms, not kylie and juliana. nobody.
i graduated senior year, and i got accepted into yale, duke university, nyu and many more colleges and of course i picked yale.
i moved to connecticut. billie and i broke up. i told her i needed time, i needed space. i didn't want to date anybody during college. i was learning law, i wanted to be a lawyer. and i also didn't want to do long distance. billie begged for come with me, but i told her it was time for her to do her own thing. it was time for her to find her passion.
when i left, there were a lot of tears. happy tears. i was never away from my family, ever, but they were happy for me. billie didn't even come see me before i left and that's what hurt me the most, but i knew her pain, i broke up with her and god knows how long we were going to be broken up for.
and now, we've been broken up for four years.
we only kept in contact like three times the whole time i was at yale and then after, we just stopped. she was busy focusing on music, her passion was music and she was doing that with finneas, while i studied being a lawyer.
i've heard her songs before. she put out her first album two years ago, called don't smile at me. my favorite songs on the album is, bellyache, idontwannabeyouanymore and ocean eyes.
i cried when i heard the songs. not because i missed her, which i did so much, but because i was happy for her. billie came from a terrible past, a mom and dad who tortured her, left her and thought they could come back like nothing was wrong. billie was the last person i was ever with and i haven't seen anybody who caught my eyes, but i have seen billie with other girls on instagram, and it did hurt, but i didn't let it affect me. i'm the one who broke up with her, i have no place to be hurt.
now it's august, a few days after i turned 22. i spent my 22nd birthday with two friends i made in yale. crystal and nadia. i didn't really have a lot of friends, but they were people i hung out with the most, so i celebrated my birthday with them.
