Reaching for the Star ✔

Chapter 40 ★ Broken

★ AJ ★

*Flashback*

"What's happening to you Aaron James Trinidad De Vera?" "What are you doing to yourself?"

Ilang beses ko na bang tinanong sa sarili ko yan ng maka'uwi ako sa bahay mula ng maihatid ko sya. Ilang gabi ko na rin inisip ang mga ginagawa ko. Nakahiga na ako ngayon dito sa kwarto ko. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Ang puso ko...

I clench my chest in where my heart is. It hurts... it hurt so much, the pain is excruciating and i can't feel my heart beating anymore if that is possible. It's as if someone just ripped my heart out. Why do i feel like this? - I ask myself. Pero wala pa rin akong maisagot.

I felt so lost. I feel like part of me were gone and it feels like I've been swallowed by a black hole... like I'm all alone in the darkness. Like something or someone just sucked my soul out of me.

Lifeless - That's the perfect definition of me right now.

Ano na nga ba talaga ang ginagawa ko sa buhay ko this past few weeks? Bakit ko sinasaktan at pina'iiyak ang babaeng walang ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin ako?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal nag'isip at naghanap ng sagot sa mga katanungan ko na hindi ko na namalayang nakatulog na pala ako.

Nagising ako kinaumagahan dahil sa liwanag ng sikat ng araw na tumatama sa mukha ko. Kahit na wala akong lakas ay pinilit ko pa ring tumayo para isarado ang binta. Hindi ko alam pero parang gusto ko lang munang manatili sa dilim. Nang makalapit ako sa binta ay nahagip ko ang isang bahay. There i saw an Angel waving at me (not literally an Angel but my Angel.) she's smiling brightly. Deja vù ang biglang pumasok sa isip ko, i just blink then she was gone again. Kumirot na naman puso ko.

Naisipan kong magpunta sa kusina para uminom ng tubig. Wala pa akong kahit na anong kinakain simula kahapon, and i still don't have an appetite until now. Water is all i need for now.

As soon as i reach the last step of the stairs, i stood there frozen ng marinig ko ang kantang nang'gagaling sa mini studio namin dito sa bahay. Sobrang lakas nito but what hit the bull's eye in me is the lyrics of the song.

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

Gusto kong matawa na parang baliw. How ironic na isang kanta lang ang magpapa'realize sa akin ng tunay kong nararamdaman. Isang kanta ang gumising sa akin mula sa bangungut na ako mismo ang may gawa.

I really am damaged at best, like she already figured it out. She tried to reach out and fixed me, but i choose to pushed her away. Now she already got tired so she chose to let me go. Ngayong nag-sink in na sa akin ang nangyari parang gusto kong maiyak.

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

So this is why i felt like my heart just ripped out of me. Because she took my heart with her. This pain... itong sakit na nararamdaman ko, i know i deserve this. Because I've been a complete jerk to her.