‘Mark’, I said, when he didn’t reply, ‘Are you still there?’
‘You’re, you’re serious, aren’t you?’, Mark eventually stuttered.
‘Well I’d hardly make it up!’, I said.
‘How long have you known?’, Mark asked.
‘Yesterday’, I replied, knowing he wasn’t happy, ‘I took the test yesterday, and I went to the doctor today and he confirmed it.’
‘Oh Christ’, Mark groaned, ‘What the hell are we going to do? Martin is going to KILL me!’
‘Is that all you care about?’, I asked, exasperated, ‘What Martin will say? What about me Mark? I’m carrying your baby! Your own flesh and blood!’
‘I know, I know’, Mark replied, ‘I’m just not ready to have a baby Julie. I’m only twenty-one!’
‘I’m only twenty!’, I hit back at him, ‘I don’t want a baby either Mark!’
‘Well then, I guess there’s only one thing to do then’, Mark sighed.
‘Adoption?’, I guessed.
‘Abortion’, Mark replied.
I stopped. I hadn’t even considered that option.
Raised in a Catholic household I had been taught that abortion was a sin. By no means should you ever do it, because you were after all killing a human life.
I didn’t want to kill my baby, but I knew that Mark was right, it really was the only option. If I kept the baby, people would obviously know that I was pregnant. I would have to quit my job, and it would only be a matter of time before people figured out that it was Mark’s. That would then ruin his image as a squeaky clean boyband member, and he would have to quit Take That. It would basically ruin everything that he had worked for. I couldn’t do that to him.
‘Okay then’, I whispered into the phone, ‘I’ll do it, but Mark, I need you with me. Please.’
‘I’ll, I’ll get Howard or Jay to cover for me’, Mark said, ‘Make the appointment, and ring me straight away.’
‘Okay’, I whispered, ‘I love you Mark.’
‘I love you too Jules’, Mark replied, ‘Don’t worry we’ll get through this.’
So that’s how I found myself outside an abortion clinic with Mark two weeks later.
The only person that knew about the baby was Hannah, and even though she had tried to talk me out of the abortion, I refused to listen because I knew that it was what Mark wanted.
I hadn’t told my parents, because I knew that it would only upset them, and I didn’t want that.
‘Are you ready?’, Mark asked me, before we went in.
‘I guess’, I whispered, shivering in the cool autumn air, ‘I’m scared.’
‘I know’, Mark replied, squeezing my hand, ‘But it will all be over soon.’
‘Yeah’, I nodded, and then walked into the building with Mark by my side.
Once inside a nurse came to greet me, and a few minutes later I was in a waiting room, and an hour later I was called in to see a doctor.
I won’t go into what happened, because it pains me even to write about it now. I will say though that it hurt, emotionally and physically.
When I came back out, Mark was waiting for me, and I ran over and he threw my arms around him.
‘Are you okay?’, he whispered in my ear.
‘Just take me home’, I cried, as the tears began to roll down my cheeks, ‘Please take me home.’
‘Ssh, I will don’t worry’, Mark soothed me, rubbing my back to comfort me, ‘Let’s go.’
With that we got a taxi back to my flat, and Mark stayed with me that night to make sure I was okay, but the next morning he was gone, because he had to get back to the band.
I spent most of that day in bed, depressed about what I had done. I felt so guilty, it was almost too much to bear.
Around dinner time, Hannah called me to say that she was coming over, so I had to get up and act like I was okay, even if I wasn’t.
I was pottering around the kitchen when the doorbell rang.
‘You look like crap’, Hannah said, when I opened the door for her.
‘Oh, thanks’, I replied, sarcastically, ‘That’s nice.’
‘I’m just telling you the truth. Come here’, Hannah said, before she wrapped her arms around me, ‘Are you okay?’
‘Uh-huh’, I mumbled, my face pressing into her shoulder.
‘No you’re not’, Hannah sighed, letting me go, ‘You’re a good actress, but not that good.’
‘Are you just here to insult me?’, I asked, ‘Because I really don’t need that.’
‘Okay I’m sorry’, Hannah apologized, ‘Seriously, how are you feeling?’
Suddenly everything that had happened hit me once more, and before I could stop myself, I broke down in tears, not able to hold it in.
‘Oh Julie’, Hannah said, wrapping her arms around me once more, ‘Ssh, it’s going to be okay.’
‘I killed it Han’, I sobbed, ‘I killed my baby.’
‘Don’t think about it like that. It just wasn’t your time to have a baby’, Hannah said, rubbing my back, ‘Everything is going to get better. You’ll see.’
Unfortunately, Hannah wasn’t right this time, and in a few months everything would change for good, and not for the better.
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Hey guys,
What do you all think of the video for 'Get Ready For It?'
Amazing comes to my mind.
Mark is so hot in it it's too much!
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.
Thank you all for reading!
Love,
Lauren
xxxxxx
