My Winchester - Book 2 - Life and Death

4. Forgive and forget

Fuck!  Sam had no idea as to how he could get you to talk to Dean. Sure, you were sweet but you could be a raging bitch if you had to. Just like Dean. He raised his hand and hesitated a bit before he knocked on your door.

You were still standing by the door, shocked at seeing Dean, so you opened the door at the third knock. Sam's eyes went a bit wide at the speed you opened the door but now was no time for any awkward moments.

"Sam, I can't." you pleaded him and he fumbled. "I can't even look at him. He's back, I don't know how he came back and maybe it's a good thing, but I can't... Just get him away from me." You were starting to get really uncomfortable.

"But Jenna, you have to tell him about yourself. About... your condition..." he knew you were a bit sensitive about the topic. You were surprised that neither Bobby nor Sam had yet told Dean about it.

"Why? he doesn't care about me and neither do I about him. It doesn't bother either of us; why does it bother you?" you asked tired of all of this shit. Dean was back...Yay... but you don't want anything to do with him. Not anymore. It was the last months of your existence and you wanted to pass in peace.

"You don't care about him?" Sam had sort of an evil smirk on his face. "Last time I checked you were practically in love with him." He scoffed. You stood there completely shook but you played it cool. "No" is the only word that fell out your mouth as a response to Sam's...accusations.

"Right, so you watching him sleep, playing with his hair, getting him anything he wants even if he doesn't ask for it and treating him like he's the funniest guy in the world and my god... all those soulful glances..." He huffed "If that's not love; if that's how you are with all your friends, Why aren't you so with me?" He cornered you to a wall, towering over you.

"What? You want me to play with your hair, now?" you played the only card you had - sarcasm.

He threw his arms up in the air and stepped back exasperated.

"Look, he is really sorry for what he did to you that night, okay? After you left, I was there for the moping. I saw it. The guilt, the regret, everything. Just give him a chance to apologize... Maybe I'm being selfish right now, but if you die on him without forgiving him... It's going to take a toll on him, and I will have to go through his crap AND losing you and... Please just do it for me then..." He looked at you with his puppy god eyes.

"Fine" you sighed. "You're going to have to tell him about how much time you've got left too." Sam pointed out.

"Sam, please. You can tell him after I'm... after everything; and don't tell him a word about the lovey-dovey crap ever, okay?" You pleaded and he nodded reluctantly after glaring you down for some time. He then walked out of the door to send Dean to you. You were starting to get nervous. Could you forgive him? You paused at that thought. All this time, I cried over not getting a chance to say I forgive him, and now that I've got a shot at it, I'm having second thoughts? You scoffed at yourself and realized that you were growing tired of standing. You started walking to your couch when you heard a light knock on your door and a knot formed in your stomach. 

You slowly turned around to see those beautiful damned green eyes that made your heart skip a beat every time they fell on you. "Come in," you said smiling faintly and his tense face eased up a bit as he walked in. You motioned him to be seated on the couch as you walked to your fridge to grab a beer. When you came back, you saw that he was still standing and you chuckled a bit at his nervous posture as you handed him the beer and asked him to sit down.

"Uh...you're not gonna drink?" he asked softly. Good lord! He sounds so... scared..?  "Not anymore" you shook your head as you dropped down on the couch beside him. He raised an eyebrow at your response. "At least, not this time of the day." you waved his gesture away.

He took a swig of his beer and you stared at him as his jaw did this thing that used to make you go crazy. It was odd how you still thought of him in past-tense. You were lost in this thought with a hurt expression on your face and he caught that. He leaned forward and placed the bottle on the coffee table and turned to you, taking your hands in his. You came back to your senses as his skin touched yours.

"I am so sorry, sweetheart." His eyes never met yours "I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just... It's Sammy and you, and I couldn't think of losing either of you and I lost my mind. I don't deserve a friend like you and trust me, I know that." He looked up to meet your eyes and went on. "It's okay if you don't forgive me, alright? You don't have to. But just know that I couldn't be more sorry. And I need you. I need someone other than a crappy little brother and a grumpy old man," he chuckled lightly. "I'm so sor.." you cut him off by throwing your hands around him and falling onto him. It was a bit awkward, but you had exhausted yourself with the stunt you had pulled off on him before.

"It's okay... It's okay, Dean." you pulled back. "All this time you've been gone, all I could think about was all the days I had, to come back to you and talk to you, but I didn't. I've missed you so damn much." your voice cracked and tears streamed down your face as he pulled you in for another hug.  You sobbed uncontrollably, hanging onto him. He rubbed his hand up and down your back as he himself cried silently.

"Can we go back to how things were?" He asked, expecting resistance from your side.

"Yes, sure. Maybe a little less violent this time." you sniffed and chuckled. He smiled wryly as he pulled back. He looked at your face and his face twisted in shock. Your hand shot up to cover your nose and you felt it. The warm red fluid flowed down your nose as you suddenly stood up and walked to the bathroom. He followed you, but you shut the door behind yourself. He knocked a few times and wanted to yell, but he felt like you both were not there yet. You came out after a couple of minutes all cleaned up and you saw that he still stood there, leaning against the wall by the door of the bathroom. He looked at you questioningly as you walked to him. "What was that about?" He asked. "Story for some other time," you replied smiling and took his hand, and walked him to the Impala.

X---------------------------------------X

"Thanks for walking me to the car, Mom," Dean said as you let his hands go. You smiled wholeheartedly, feeling relieved to have him and his stupid jokes back. Sam and Bobby hopped out of the car once they saw that you two were smiling.

"All's well, the?" Bobby inquired and you flashed him a smile in agreement.

"So, I'm kinda guessing you guys have no idea how this dude here is up and alive." the men looked at each other and shrugged. "Give me a call when you figure something out." you nodded at Bobby and he nodded back.

"Let's get," Sam said, flashing you a thankful look before getting back into the Impala, followed by Bobby.

"Hey, Sam told me that you've got something to say," Dean said looming over you. This guy may be back from the dead, but man he smelled awesome. "Like I said, story for some other time." you smiled .

"Come with us." He pleaded slightly.

"I can't"

"Why?" you fumbled at this question and he nodded. "Story for another time. Right." he gave you a goodbye hug.

"hmm... you smell like pie."

"I know." you giggled. "Call me next time you're around. I'll have one whole cherry pie out of the oven, just for you." you pulled back and he kissed your forehead and it sent sparks down your spine.

He then walked to the Impala and they all drove away.

Boy, what a day!