My Winchester - Book 2 - Life and Death

11. Floodgates

Before anything went down, Castiel had zapped you to someplace else. Ruby brought Alastair into the fight and Anna got her grace back, which was with Uriel, by the way. When the fight got ugly, Alastair bailed, and later on, so did the angels. Before Castiel went poof, he assured them that you were fine and in your room. But Castiel's definition of fine wasn't the same as the human one. Bobby and Dean rush up to your room to find you sprawled on the floor unconscious. You were not injured. Just unconscious. Bobby left to fetch something for you as Dean scooped you up and lay you down on your bed.

"Hey," he said softly, tapping your cheek. Your eyes fluttered open and tried to focus on his face.

"Cas," you groaned and Dean's heart sunk a bit. She wakes up and the name on the tip of her tongue is of that bastard's?  "Where's Cas?" you pulled yourself to sit up. "I need to stab that son of a bitch. Not that it would hurt him." You rubbed your temples lightly as Dean chuckled. "You were right Dean. I shouldn't have trusted that douche." You sighed and leaned onto his shoulder as he sat down on your bed beside you.

"Yeah, well. I kind of trusted him at first too." He said running his hand up and down your back. You looked up at him and he looked away. You caught his face and jerked it back to face yours.

"Talk to me Dean," he sighed at this and started shifting but you held onto him tightly. "You wanted everything to back the way it was. But I don't." he gave you a confused look.

"I wasn't happy with the way things were between us. Sam and I, we share everything. He knows me and I know him. You're... kind of like a stranger to me. I mean, I know what you like and what you don't, I know what'd piss you off or cheer you up, but I don't know what's going on in there," You place your finger on his forehead and give him a little nudge.

"I want things to be better between us. Be actual friends and not namesake ones. Tell me you don't want that too and I won't bug you anymore." you leaned away from him.

"Trust me, Jenna" he tightened his grip on your arm. "I do"

"Then talk to me," you were almost pleading. He shifted closer to you and rested his head on your shoulder. Your hand involuntarily shot up to run your fingers through his hair but you held back. You didn't want to scare him away.

"Hell, uh... It was terrible. I was lying when I said I don't remember anything. I remember... every second of it." He went silent for a long while. You had no idea what he went through but you wanted to be there for him. You hummed, urging him to go on. "I wasn't there for just 4 months. Your hand that was softly caressing his arm froze. What??? "Time works differently there. A month seems like a decade." you were now clutching onto his jacket, holding your breath. You cleared your throat "40 years? You were kind of asking this question to him and yourself. You felt him nod against your shoulder. "Alastair... he ripped me apart day after day. At the end of every session, he'd offer me a chance to get off the rack. He said I'd never had to be tortured if I..." he left out a sob and you felt something wet trickly down your clavicle.

"Hey," you wrapped your arms around him as he tried his best not to let out a sob again. "He asked me. Every day for 30 years. I didn't give in for 30 years. But it was too much. I couldn't... after that one time, I really lost it and I gave in. I did what he did for a decade. I did it to so many souls..." He tortured souls... He tortured souls. In hell. You felt a bit dizzy. This was a bit too much to take in. But Dean needed you to stay strong. You could not let your knees buckle now. "and the worst part is that..." he sniffled. "I liked it," your eyes went wide. You pulled away from him and your heart shattered into a million pieces as your eyes met his. His face looked so small and vulnerable in your hands. You wanted to kiss him so badly. But you didn't want to take advantage of him.

You quickly wiped the tears off of his face. "Hey," your voice cracked. "It's okay."

"No it's not" he hissed. "How is any of that okay?"

"It's okay because you're human. What you did in hell is not any different from what we all do every day." his eyebrows met as he gave you a  ridiculous look. You tortured souls that went to hell, souls of people who sinned. People who were not good enough to go to heaven. Basically like killing monsters out here." You straightened his hair and he leaned back on you. But he jerked back when he heard Bobby outside your room, causing you to lose your balance.

"Oh, you're awake." Bobby sighed as he walked into your room and handed you the glass of water he brought. He gave Dean and you an awkward glance and then left the room.

"What? Scared that Bobby might shoot you if he sees you touching me." You smirked at him. Man am I drunk?

"Yeah, I think so," he laughed faintly and then cleared his throat when you flashed him a smile. "Yell if you need something. Sammy and I will be downstairs." there goes the rarely soft Dean Winchester. Always acting so macho to cover up how much of a softie he is. So much for not liking chick flick moments.

"Hey," you called him out. "Talk to Sam too. He needs to know about this more than I do."

He hesitated a bit but agreed with a nod and walked out of your room. You just sat there on your bed staring at the glass of water in your hand, trying to figure out how deeper you've fallen in love wth that man within the past few minutes.