My Winchester - Book 2 - Life and Death

12. Stop and Stare

You hung out at Bobby's for a few days cleaning the place up and the boys were on their own keeping themselves busy with a few cases. Once you were done with everything you did nothing but slump on your bed, fishing for cases and assigning them to hunters who were looking for them. One day, the boys just dropped by and dragged you away with them. You didn't want to hunt alone or with anyone else but the Winchesters but you didn't want to seem clingy or be a burden. So, you were glad they had come back for you.

The three of you drove around aimlessly for a week until you decided to finally crash in one motel until you catch the whiff of a case. You had your own room, but they mostly coaxed you into their room or hung out in yours. Either way, there was no getting them off your backs. Except maybe Sam. He would suddenly act a bit shady and sneak out saying he needs a walk, but Dean would often follow him and see him talking to someone over the phone. One day you followed Dean. You were so good at being stealth that he jumped a little and pointed his gun at you when you poked his back.

"The fuck are you doing here?" he hissed at you as he pulled you deeper into the alley.

"The fuck are you doing?" you hissed back.

"I'm trying to eavesdrop on Sammy. Kid's hiding something." 

You narrowed your eyes at him and raised your finger. "First off, he's not a kid. Second, man up ask him to his face about it. Ask him not to lie through his teeth."

"No... uh uh.... " he shook his head and turned away from you.

"Oh, right" you threw your hands up. "Everything has to happen in the twisted Winchester way"

"Damn right it should," he grinned and you roll your eyes. He turned around to go back to being sneaky.

"Dean!" you whined. "Fine, mom!" he huffed and let you walk him back to the motel. After that incident, he'd itch to follow Sam whenever he was out but one cold look from you and he'd settle down. He never understood why he listened to you. You were six years younger than him. Younger than Sammy. And yet you had them wrapped around your fingers. You had a leash on them. Somehow everything required your approval. But you didn't see this, and Dean knew that, and he loved how oblivious you were to how much they depended on you. Dean would often distance himself from you when Sam was around not wanting you to consider them a burden. But you took that as disinterest in hanging out with you.

The very next day, you were in the boys' room listening to music on your phone while Sam was in the bathroom and Dean lay on one of the beds snoring like a bear. The music was too loud for you to notice that Sam was making a call in the bathroom. You were lying on Sam's bed with your eyes closed as you tapped your fingers to Stop and Stare by Onerepublic. You could never let Dean know that you listen to anything other than classic rock. He'd butcher you if he knew you listened to bands like Backstreet Boys and OneRepublic.

Dean stirred as he woke up and was a bit startled to see you in Sam's bed but then saw it was way past morning. He then heard Sam's voice coming from the washroom. He listened hard but kept his eyes on you so that he could jump into acting like he was sleeping if you opened your eyes. But you didn't. His eyes wandered down towards your elbow, till where your jet black hair lay and he looked back into your face. He wanted to see those rosette brown eyes open. He gulped as he saw your chest rise and fall at a slow and steady pace almost as if you were asleep. Then he frowned at your fingers. That beat you were tapping was definitely not of a classic rock song. He shook the thought away as he heard Sam talk about some demonic signs over the phone and plopped quickly back onto the bed when he realized that Sam had ended the call. He lay there with his eyes closed as he heard the bathroom door click open. He then stirs awake again and looks wearily at Sam who then informs him that they've got a potential case in Bedford, Iowa.

Your eyes flew open when a hard pillow landed on your face. "Enough with the sappy songs. We've got a case." You heard Dean and sat up looking at Sam in confusion as he headed out of the room with his bag flung on one shoulder.

"Oh, a case," you mumbled. How the hell did he know I wasn't listening to rock? You eyed Dean weirdly and he caught your stare. You acted like you didn't catch his eyes and walked out of the room to get your bag. But Sam was already there, grabbing your stuff.

"You can't just touch all of a lady's things, y' know" you smirked at him as he packed your bag.

"I thought you weren't a lady, " he drawled. "Ha, you got me there" you scoffed playfully as you joined him in packing.

"Ugh, get married already" Dean groaned as passed by your room. You paused altogether as you stared right into your bag and Sam watched you awkwardly as you stood there blinking.

"If you don't tell him how you feel, he's always gonna make such comments."

You took in a large breath wanting to snap at him. But you sighed instead. "It's too late. It's awkward now."

"Awkward?" Sam huffed. "You're making excuses, you"

"Last time I checked, you wanted me to let it go." you snapped at him. "So does Bobby" you sighed as you fell onto your bed and started massaging your temples. You felt Sam sit by your side and his arm go around you.

"Look at me, Jenna" You looked up at him and he could see how tired you were with all of this locked up lovey-dovey crap. "Look, just hear me out alright? You don't have to say anything back if you don't want to." you nodded slightly and looked away. "Dean doesn't know how uh... deep your feelings are for him, 'cause you don't exactly show it, except when he's asleep or when he's not looking. That's why he hasn't figured it out yet. He hasn't been in love, Jenna. There was a girl once, Cassie, and he loved her but he wasn't in love... ever. But you are." your eyes shot up to meet his burning ones. "Don't you dare deny it." you swallowed hard and shifted, almost turning away from him. "I know. I know, because..." he took in a shaky breath "because the way you are around Dean... that's how uh.." he cleared his throat. "that's how I was... around Jess."

Your spine stiffened and you felt his hand drop from your shoulders. You turned around to look at his tear brimmed eyes. You just sat there not knowing what to do or say. "I asked you to let go, because Dean, he... he hasn't treated you well before and...You are the closest thing I ever had to a sister and I don't want you to walk away from me. Not again." his lips were closed in a tight line as you smiled at him sadly. You then hugged him. "I never apologized to you for leaving did I?" you asked. "Wasn't your fault... you could've called though" you laughed with him as you both pulled back. He gave you a smile as he patted your back, packed the rest of your stuff and started o leave with your duffel.

"Sam!" you called after him and he turned around. "You're right. But he can't know."

Sam scoffed and raised his hands only to drop them exasperated.

"Like you said. He has hurt me before and he could do it again. And I'll forgive him. Again. I just can't do that to myself. Maybe he'd be a gentleman, I don't know. But Dean Winchester... I can't handle that. He and I both are damaged goods. It would never work out. Plus..." you scoffed as you walked past him, stopping out the door smiling sadly. "First love always blows up in your face." you turned and started walking only to bump into Dean.

"First love always blows up in your face, huh?" he looked down at you as he caught you from falling. "You breaking her heart, Sammy?" he smirked as you brushed him off. "Shut up," you pushed him away to clear your path and started walking to the Impala.

"JENNA LIKES YOU!" you felt dizzy as Sam's voice rang in your ears. You couldn't believe he just said that. You realized you had stopped walking. You somehow stumbled to the Impala not turning around to look at either of their faces.