Never told you

Solo friendly

"Didi please bring chocolates for me when you return home, I've heard that South Korean chocolates are really delicious," my cute little cousin said with her pleading puppy doe eyes.

"Of course, sweetheart," I replied in a way much more sweeter than her favourite honey flavored candy. How can anyone not listen to this cute little bunny of my house? I giggled at her cuteness.

"Ok, I think it's already time. Take care Sakshi," my dad gave me a tight warm hug and took my luggage near the flight.

I am a student and have recently scored top grades in the whole nation in computer science. I got scholarship for my excellent results and look, I am going to South korea for my higher studies.

Going to South Korea was one of my biggest dreams. I have always admired its beauty, street food, fashion and even kpop and k-dramas. I always like being alone and that's why I am travelling solo. For the first time.

"Honey, can I have a talk with you?", my mom asked while pulling my sleeves.

"Of course mom, go ahead," I answered like an obedient daughter.

"Listen Sakshi, what I am about to say might sound weird but please listen carefully. You are my little princess and I don't want you to get hurt at any cost. This world is not as simple as you think. Me and your dad have always protected you from all sorts of possible dangers...but today, you are going alone, in a whole new country. Be careful," she sighed after taking a deep breath.

"Let's straight come to the point, be careful from boys. They are really tricky and good betrayers. I hope you are understanding what I am mean. I am sending you there only for your studies. Don't betray me darling. I trust you," she spoke in a breath.

"Mom, do you think I can ever cheat on you? I love you both mom and dad and you can trust me. I am not interested in any such work," I said confidently while hugging my mom tight enough to choke her out of love, "And I am not that kind of person people fall in love with," I laughed sarcastically.

"Promise me dear that you will ONLY STUDY and will never be involved in any work which is not suitable for your character," my mom asked me with a warm and radiant smile gleaming of her pretty young face.

"I promise."

A promise implies a willingness to keep it. But most of us rarely remember. At least that's not a case with me because I have experienced the damage of not keeping a promise and it's not a think I ever want to experience again. Trust me.

I wish my mom believed me a little more, just like my grandpa. I know it's obvious for my parents to be extra caring as I am their single child but I am not like any foolish common adolescent who waste his precious years dating, clubbing, stripping and all sorts of nonsense. I like being alone, most of the time. The only friend I ever had was my grandpa. Today, my one and only friend is....myself. My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies. Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die.

Even my way to chill is different. I just climb up the stairs to my terrace, take a seat and watch the moon, stars, sky. When I was a kid, I used to see shooting stars with my grandpa and always wished for something like a plushie, but most of the time - story books. And those wishes even came true! Little did I knew that those wishes are fulfilled by my grandpa. I am not talking about the time when my mother used to change my diapers. Yes! even in my teenage, he treated me like a little baby.

Just like an explorer discovering treasure island, I used to solve all types of mysteries in my school days. My classmates called me a little detective, and my family? little version of my grandpa! He will forever be my best buddy. I don't remember much about of my childhood due to some reasons, but don't worry, doctors said that I will very soon remember everything. My grandpa has taught me to be patient and brave.

Everybody talks and everybody listens but somehow it's always the truth that comes up missing. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

"Their words, mostly noises, ghost with just voices. Grandpa, your words in my faded memory are like music to me," I mumbled to myself while my hands pressed against my chest with closed eyes in melancholy.

I never thought that'd be a sleepless night. Turns out they weren't lies and made me even stronger. How many more nights do I have to stay awake? If I ever meet God, I would tell him that this life is coffee that I never ordered and death is an americano you can't refill. Nothing much different from yesterday. Same old days, it's just you're not here grandpa. I'm just a number and a dark Pluto that's hard for others to remember.

But life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

Yesterday, after packing, when I was sitting in my balcony, I felt nothing more than a part of nature. Night sky gazing is just like time travel. I love how the wind strikes my body, how the trees move, looks like they are enjoying their own music, the music of nature. I love how it all embraces me. I enjoy all the warmth a cold night can offer. It's just a whole new level. The moon shows me the mirror and tells me to shine alone even in that pitch black darkness and love myself for who I am with all my scars like craters. The wind tells me that not every cold thing that sends shivers through your spine is bad, it teaches me to fight my fears. I love how the trees move, encouraging me to accept my reality and fade in the rhythm, it teaches me that no matter what wrong others do to me, I shall do good. And the stars, it tells me that.....all the dreams are supposed to be fulfilled and I am the only one who can do this. The sky is not the limit.

When I was younger, I'd put my arms in my shirt and told people I lost my arms. I would restart the video game whenever I knew I was going to lose. I would sleep with all the stuffed animals so none of them would get offended. I had that one pen with 6 colours and tried to push all the buttons at once. I used to pour my cold drink in caps and act as if taking shots. I would wait behind a door to scare someone, but ended up quitting because they were either taking too long or I had to pee. I would fake being asleep so my dad would carry me to bed. I used to think that the moon is following my car when travelling at night. I would watch those two rain drops roll down the window and pretend they were having a race. I used to swallow fruit seed and get scared to death that a tree was going to grow in my tummy.

Remember when we were kids and couldn't wait to grow up? What were we thinking?

And for now, as I'd studied really hard and am going to South korea, wish me good luck. May I do my best and achieve what I have always aspired. It was getting late so I bid goodbye to my happy family, who expects a lot from me, and with that I boarded my plane and the flight took off. I will miss them.

This time I'm ready to run, escape from the city and follow the sun. When I'm lost, I'll find a way. I'll be my light. I'll never feel alone. I'll make this feel like home.

In one person, there is one history. In one person, there is one star, shining with 7 billion lights, 7 billion worlds. But what if I am the owner of the whole universe? So much history in my head. The people I've left, the ones that I've kept. So I try and drink my emotions till I can't feel my heart. I want to hide the truth. I want to shelter myself. But with the beast inside, there's nowhere I can hide.

I am currently enjoying kpop music with a bowl of ramen and will wrap it with a bag of chips and fruits. I wish grandpa was also there to see me living for my dreams. To cheer me up and happily shout, "You are the best princess!". I have spent my sixteen years with him. If I was in pain, he was my happiness. If I was in stress, he was my ultimate calmness. He always wanted to attend my graduation ceremony but unfortunately the time didn't support. But don't worry, even if he is not with me, he is. He has a special place in my heart, he is always there.

"I promise grandpa, one day I will definitely make you proud and show you that your princess is no more a princess. She is a queen", I smiled and started a movie to watch in the journey.

Looking through the window, while having a mini blanket on my lap, the clouds look like cotton candy. I feel like a free bird, flying in an infinite sky. Dawn is a writer, believe me, no one else writes sunlight so calm. Inhaling each and every sort of excitement, my eyes shut close, taking me to a different world.

Who knows what future has in store for us? I am gonna start a new life. It's my life and it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever, I just want to live while I am alive! Everything comes at the right time. So let's not worry much. Till I reach my destination, I allow sleep to take control.

Are you also excited, just like me?