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November 15, 2020

I've changed

I'm Eliah Valdez a 19 years old college student, when I was 18 I discovered how I change, how I become more matured and more lonely.

When I was 7 years old, I can't stay in a dark room, I can't sleep without light.

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"Mommy can you turn on the light?" I said while hugging her, I'm scared of the dark.

"Baby Isn't the lamp shade enough." I closed my eyes and try to sleep but I really can't.

"Please mommy." mom laugh a bit then stood up and turn on the light.

"There you go sweety." I hug her and she just kissed my forehead.
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When I was 18 years old, I started to appreciate darkness, I started loving sleeping in a dark room.

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"Goodnight sweety." mom said, I just smiled at her, she then closed the door, without turning the lights off.

I sight and stood up to turn the lights off, after that I go to bed, then started crying.

Tearing all the tears, that I kept whole day.
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When I was 7 years old, I believe in fairy tales, in princesses and prince.

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"Mommy, please read me cinderella again pleaseee." I gave her the cinderella book.

"You really love this story huh?" I nooded and smiled at her.

"Sit down here." she pointed her lap and I immediately sat there and hug her.

"Once upon a time..."
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When I was 18 years old, I started to hate it, everything that was written in the story are all wrong and just a fantasy.

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"You love cinderella back then." mom said I frozed after hearing it, I smiled bitterly, then look into the sky.

"And that was my biggest mistake." mom looked at me, before she ask I answered her.

"That was a lie, everything that was written in the story is just a lie, theres no fairy, no fairy god mother, no prince that will marry a cleaner, and no cleaner that will turn into a princess. What they said were right, pinanganak kang mahirap, mamamatay kang mahirap."
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When I was 7 years old I believe in every excuses of my mom about my dad.

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"Mommy the teacher said we have to bring our whole family with us tomorrow." I said mom looked at me, then smiled.

"I'll talk to your teacher ok? Your dad is busy working sweety." I nooded and smile.

How come dad's always busy I never seen him in person, but maybe mom is right he's busy for my future.
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When I was 18 years old I discovered my dad was really busy, but not for my future, but for his new family's future.

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"Gosh mom for 18 years! You made me believe that my dad was working to make my life better! But fuck! He's working for his new family!" I shouted mom was crying I can't help it.

"I did that because I don't want you to hate your father he's still your father." she almost whispered.

"You made me more mad at him."
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When I was 7 years old, I don't want mom to leave me.

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"Mommy don't leave me in here." I ran and hugged her she laughed.

"I'm just gonna take a shower baby." I looked at her teary eyed.

"Ok I'll just take a shower when you sleep." then we walk and played to the room.
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When I was 18 years old, I always wanted to be alone.

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"When are you going home?" mom texted.

I just ignored it and, sat while drinking alcohol, I think I need more time alone.
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When I was 7 years old, I cry for small things.

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"Mommy HUHUHU." mom looked at me worriedly.

"Why?" I pointed my broken toy.

"I'll fix it ok?" then I stopped crying.
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When I was 18 years old, I still cry for small and big things but without my mom knowing it.

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"Aren't you gonna cry?" I looked at her with a questioning face.

"Your boyfriend just died." I just smiled.

After the funeral, a long day had past and a long hours I kept my tears when I started to feel I'm alone I cry.
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I've changed, when I was a kid I was happy, now I'm always sad, I feel empty.

When I was just a kid I always wanted to grow and become a teenager already and now that I'm a teenager I wanted to be a kid again.

I don't wanna grow anymore, the more I grow, the more I was hurt.

I'm Eliah Valdez, and that's how I've changed.

/////WORK OF FICTION/////
/////PHOTO NOT MINE/////

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