Notes (Jenlisa)

Chapter 8

Jisoo came over again and I managed to tell her everything that happened yesterday. Well, after she found my Notebook that is. I kind of felt good and a little bit relieved telling her. Ofcourse I didn't tell her everything, like the stuff that happened with Jennie's father, that was personal. I did tell her about me confessing to feeling something for her to her, and she telling me she did as well.  I just didn't know what it is with that girl that made me feel some kind of strange attraction to her. Whenever she texted me, I couldn't help but smile. Whenever she smiled, I couldn't help but appreciate the fact of how beautiful she was. When she cried, I just wanted to tell her how perfect she was over and over and over again. Whatever I felt for her, I haven't felt for anybody else. Not a girl, nor a boy. Nobody. I've had some boyfriends before but that didn't mean anything, to me or to them. It's not even the fact that she is a girl that makes me worry. I don't care about that at all. It's just that I feel that she doesn't need somebody as fucked up as me in her world, even if she thinks she does.

"So, what you are trying to say.." Jisoo brought me back to the real world. "Is that you like her?" She asked, her expression full of surprise and uncertainty.

"I don't even know, Soo. I feel something for her, I don't know if I like her or if it's just a simple infatuation, you know?" I said honestly. Jisoo nodded understandingly, she scooted closer and put an arm over my shoulder. Man, I loved her so much. She has been like a sister to me for the longest time and I really wouldn't know what to do without her.

"Knowing you, you are probably freaking out because you have no control of this, right?" She asked knowingly. She was a hundred percent right. I was basically an open book with Jisoo although I tried not to be. I just nodded weakly, not knowing very well what to say.

"Well, you see Lisa. Feelings do not come by choice. Soon enough you will learn to accept this. By the way your lips tug into a smile when you say her name, I see that you will find out what you feel for her sooner than you think. If you ask me, I think that it's a little bit more than infatuation." She chuckled lightly while speaking the last part and I smiled along with her.

"You shouldn't be confused, feelings don't lie. If you feel like texting her, do it. I you feel like calling, do it. But please, don't ignore your feelings. They're there for a reason." She spoke. I chuckled at her sudden wiseness but I knew she was right. I was kind of glad that she didn't try to label me in any kind of way, because she knows that I'm not with that.

"You're right. I just take it day by day and see where it goes with her." I said, finally accepting this new situation that I've never found myself in before.
Jisoo pulled me closer and made an annoying 'awww' sound. I knew this was going to come.

"Look at this, my baby is finally growing up. Shall I go and get my camera?" She asked in an annoying tone.

"Shut up, Soo. You're only a week older." I chuckled. She was about to say something when the front door opened and my father walked in. He was probably out all night because I haven't seen him since yesterday. He came home like usual, back slouched, hair ruffled, clothes undone with the smell of alcohol present on him. He has been like this since everything went wrong, a drunk. He was not aggressive or anything like that, he just became useless. He didn't care for anything but himself. For that reason I had to grow up much faster than any child ever should and every day as I grew my love for him started to disappear. Of course I still respect him as my father, but I don't respect him as a man. I haven't for a long time. He was my hero, but my hero ran and left this pathetic excuse of a father for me to deal with.

I rose to my feet and was face to face with him. I nodded towards him, which was our strange form of hello these days. He watched me as I slipped on my combat boots and jean jacket and dragged Jisoo with me towards the door. Jisoo understood the message and put on her shoes as well