Hopelessly Falling [book 2]

Chapter Thirty-One

XXXI
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Layla's POV***

"What did you mean by that? What you said to him?" I asked Eli. We had gone inside since Ashton took off and I called Crystal. Despite his protests, I made him let me clean off his cuts and get him ice. That didn't do anything about his hurting heart, though. What was the point of the rest of the care if I couldn't help that?

We now sat across from each other at my kitchen table. Jake was still in his room, and I felt bad for him. He had no-doubt heard the whole fight, but he shouldn't have. Eli stared down at the table, not looking up to meet my eyes as the excruciatingly haunted expression remained on his face.

"I fucked up, Lay," his voice was barely more than a whisper as it cracked. "I really fucked up."

"I could tell," I replied, still looking at him despite the intense focus he kept on the table. "What did that mean, though? I need to know if I'm going to try and help-" he tried to scoff, but it came out as more of a small sob as he shook his head.

"You can't do anything to change what I said," he finally looked up at me. I swallowed.

"Why did you say all that?" I asked him at last, the question had been pressing at me this whole time. "You really went in on him." He wiped his face off and looked back down at the table.

"I don't even know," he rasped out again. "I didn't mean fucking any of it," he took a few breaths, "we know each other too well. He ripped at my deepest problems and then I went after his deepest ones automatically, but in the moment I forgot how different they were and I didn't actually think about what they were until after I spoke... I didn't- I would never... fuck," he swore as he leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling.

"Well, I'd just like you to know, that I- um.. well I certainly didn't appreciate it," I choked out. I hated confrontation more than anyone else in the entire world. But I felt as though I needed to say it. He looked back to me.

"Ashton, and Jake, they both mean more to me than any other thing in this universe," I continued slowly, timidly, while also getting a little choked up, "and I love them with my whole being- plus some.. and when you said all that stuff that you said... even if it was in the heat of the moment.. I just," I looked down as a tear fell, "I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say."

"I didn't know what I was saying as I was saying it," he said softly, but not meant as an excuse. I could see how much he was hating himself when my eyes snapped back up to look at him.

"Did Ashton say something to my mother that he believes lead to her kill herself? Is that what you were referring to?" I asked.

"It's not my place-"

"I'll take that as a yes, then." I cut him off, trying not to glare. "That was a fucked up thing to say to him, Eli."

"You don't think I know that?!" He yelled, immediately trying to calm himself down. "I don't know what I can do. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to make him understand that I didn't mean any of it. I don't know how to go back," he panicked.

"You could start by telling him all that."

"How? He's never going to want to see my face again," he rebutted.

"That's not true," I replied, and our eyes locked again. "I don't think you're a bad person, Eli. I think you have a good heart, and that this was a really messy mistake you made after years of not making any," I told him honestly.

"He kept accusing me of h-hurting you. I would never fucking lay a hand on you," his voice was full of lingering pain and disbelief.

"He knows that. He knows you." I tried to convince him, but I could tell it didn't work. His self hatred was blinding to him right now.