Hopelessly Falling [book 2]

Chapter Fourty-three

I started writing this chapter with mascara on and now it's all over my face... just a heads up lol.

XLIII
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Ashton's POV ***

        Once Crystal was completely stable and doing well, she insisted that I go home. I had been there for a ridiculous amount of time, so I realized that this probably was a good idea. On my drive home I thought about everything, too much if I was being honest.

I didn't know how I would be able to successfully help and be there for Crystal and Eli. As much as I so desperately wanted to in every way they deserved, I didn't know if I could. I wasn't my dad. I tried to be, but I wasn't.

My mind was still spinning 100 miles per hour as I entered my house. I walked past Jake and Layla in the living room and just kept going until I got to my room. Eli was spending one more night with Kevin before coming here, so it was still just us three.

Despite it being in the afternoon, I collapsed on my bed to try and fix my exhaustion but, as much as I tried, I couldn't get tired or fall sleep... and I tried for a while. Eventually, I just gave up and stared up at my ceiling, letting all of my thoughts continue to swarm my mind. Until, that is, there was a knock on my door.

"Can I come in?" Layla asked from the other side, and opened it when I replied yes. I sat up against my headboard as she spoke, "Hey. How's Crystal?"

"I think she'll be okay," I told her honestly. "She's not doing so okay right now, but she will be," I added, and she nodded understandingly. Layla didn't know it, but both her and Crystal had gone through the same thing. There was no understating how repulsed I was by how many people had to go through that.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have an overwhelming amount of guilt for sitting around while it had happened to both of them. Both times wasn't even aware until it was too late, and I should have been there for both of them.

"Listen, um," she began, looking down. "I know that the emotions have been pretty damn heightened these past few days, but um," she hesitated, and I continued listening, "but I've been meaning to ask you about this and have been too scared... and I figured that it's probably something we should do before Eli moves in, for obvious reasons...," she paused again, nervously looking up to meet my gaze as she asked.

"Can you take me to mom's grave?"

My heart stopped dead in my chest.

"I would go myself but I don't know where it is, and well, I don't really want to go by myself, anyway," she rambled, clearly trying to distract herself from her emotions. I felt my face morph into a sad expression.

"It's with dad's," my voice came out smaller than I had thought it would be.

"Oh," she responded, "that makes sense. I guess you don't have to take me then-"

"No, I-I'll go with you," I cut her off. I hadn't been to my mom's grave since her funeral. I swallowed the lump in my throat and got myself off of my bed.

"Now?" She suggested, and I nodded over my shoulder as I changed my shirt and threw on a jacket. "Okay, I'll be in your car then, I guess," she told me, still timid, and walked away.

I looked in the mirror real quick, saw the parts of myself that were identical to each of my parents, and quickly averted my eyes again, keeping my gaze at the floor until I was downstairs. I guess Jake wanted to come, too, because I saw Layla carrying him out the door on her hip.

The car was too quiet as we drove there. I had put on the radio, but it still felt silent without Layla's usual singing and Jake's typical laughter. It was so quiet for the entire long way to where our parents lay.