Relationship and Dating Tips with Nicole Part 1: Lust vs Love
When you're in the early stages of a relationship, it can be hard to tell the difference between lust and love. I hope these handy tips, tricks and definitions can help!
Lust is selfish. It seeks to fulfill one's own sexual desires without caring about the other person's needs or wants. It seeks to use another person for their body.
Love seeks the good of the beloved. It cares about the other person's thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams.
When someone is in lust with you, they might say things like:
- You're so hot/sexy
- I'm not ready for a relationship right now, but I like you a lot
- Let's not take things so seriously
- Why do we have to put a label on things?
- Don't overthink it
- I think sex is what separates a friendship from a romantic relationship
When a guy isn't in love with you, doesn't love you, and is only lusting after you, he's just going to treat you like a booty call. He only compliments you on how you look. He doesn't want to commit to you, be in an actual relationship, call you his girlfriend, be seen in public with you, or make plans with you ahead of time. He will pressure you into sex or going further physically than you're comfortable with. He will use you as a place to dump all his problems but he won't care about yours.
Things a guy will say when he's trying to pressure you into sex/physical stuff (here I will put XYZ):
- All the girls I've been with have done XYZ with me
- I'm just used to doing XYZ in relationships, I find it hard to control myself
- You're such a prude
- It's not a big deal
- Don't you like me?
- If you really liked me you would do XYZ with me
- I'm such a [nice guy, good guy, respectful guy, etc.]. You should be doing XYZ with me
- Why are you so uncomfortable/shy, etc.?
- If you did XYZ for me, it would make me so happy
In other words, this person will try to make you feel guilty, uncomfortable, bad about yourself, in order to pressure you into doing what they want.
When someone is in love with you/really wants to be in a relationship with you, they may do some of the following things:
- Try to see you a lot of the time BUT also respect the fact that you have a life/are busy
- Talk to you a lot, not play texting games where they make you wait 30 minutes for a reply
- Make plans with you at least a day in advance, not the hour of
- Show up on time for those plans
- Respect you when you say you don't want to do XYZ
- Respect your boundaries (physical, emotional, time-based, etc.)
- Compliment you for more than your appearance
- Notice little things about you that aren't just physical (habits, etc.)
- Try to be friends with your friends and do things with you that you enjoy doing
- Care about your emotions, dreams, and hopes. They won't dismiss you as being dramatic when you tell them how you feel. They will listen to you talk about your dreams and goals and support you in them
- Ask you how you're doing and actually listen to the answer
- Help you solve your problems
I hope this was an informative post! Keep an eye out for my next one in this series, which will probably be something like Red Flags in A Relationship <3 <3
Love,
Nicole
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