"The moment I met you,
I held my breath.
And you've been taking
it away ever since,
Nico di Angelo."
[ NICO DI ANGELO x MALE OC ]
[ PERCY JACKSON SERIES ]
[ HEROES OF OLYMPUS SERIES ]
cover by @humaneity !
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0012. | HE'S A WEIRDO BUT HE'S MY WEIRDO
Vela remembered a poem Silena had once read him. She didn't know he could hear her, she was just speaking to him, she thought he was asleep after a night of lycanthropic phasing. She had spoken to him the poem of Vasiliu. The words that had once laced his ears and scorched his mind and rang in his ears like the echo of a song in a cathedral, torturing him with the preached words of kindness.
Don't cry too much. Turn heartbreak into kindness. Search for healing words and plant them into your wounds. One day, you will have a garden of love.
Gods, it hurt. It hurt so much.
She was kind, so kind, and he tried his best to be the same. Vela wanted to be kind but sometimes he found it so hard. Sometimes he got so angry he couldn't comprehend what he was doing. Sometimes he would dig his claws into his palms just to feel hurt instead of furious. And it would work, but only for a short time because the pain was temporary and his anger was constant. He was completely absorbed by this crippling anger that had forced him to tear apart the sky and shatter an entire army but even then it wasn't enough. He was so utterly sick of feeling this way, of being so sad, so heartbreakingly sad all the time.
Vela hadn't been the one to kill Kronos. He had wanted to be the one so badly, he was meant to be the one. It was the reason why Zeus had shaken him from the sky, to win. But he hadn't. Vela didn't feel like he had won and he definitely didn't feel as if he had a garden of love. And even that he knew was because he hadn't done enough. Maybe if he had done enough, then he would've been the one to kill Kronos. Maybe he could've destroyed Typhon, maybe he could've stopped Percy from being stolen, maybe he could've saved his pack from Lycaon's vengeance, maybe he could've saved her. Because the real truth Vela didn't want to admit was that he hadn't tried hard enough.
He wasn't good enough.
"For Titans sake!" He groaned aloud. He ran his hand through this hair and exhaled noisily in the silence of the green between the ring of cabins. He hated himself so much sometimes, he loathed how no matter how hard he tried these thoughts still prevailed. He hated how much he could utterly adore himself but simultaneously detest himself. And now more than ever he struggled to maintain that balance to not be devastatingly arrogant. It was all the harder now because he had only been given more responsibility. Save Percy; save Hera; save his pack; save Jason; save Leo; save a sister... but he couldn't save anyone. And the worst part was, he didn't want to save them because if he could save them then it would only confirm his worst fear... that he could've done more to save Silena. If he could keep Piper safe then what hadn't he done to keep Silena safe?
