China Doll

Part 37

Astoria POV:
It was nearing Christmas and I was beginning to freak out a bit. I knew it was customary for friends and family to give each other gifts, but I had never had anybody to exchange gifts with. This year I had several I felt I should get gifts for, but I didn't know what to get. Combine that with my small amount of pocket money, and I was in a pickle.

I was sitting in the common room pondering my dilemma when Nicholas plopped down next to me. This normally wouldn't have been a big deal, but I was sitting in one of those armchairs meant for really only one person. Even with my smaller frame he was practically on top of me.

"Hello snowflake." Unfortunately, this was becoming normal. "Thinking about me?"

I tried to keep my face blank, but my voice still had an edge to it. "No."

"Aww c'mon cupcake. What's got you in a bad mood?"

"You."

He tsked, shaking his head at me. "That's no way to be. Now what's the issue? Did my cousin do something stupid?"

I had barely talked to Draco since ages ago when I had first met Nick. "No. Now will you go away?"

"I mean it. What's the problem?" I glanced over at him and sighed.

"Christmas is coming." He nodded seriously.

"I see. Christmas is an absolutely horrible thing. No wonder your so cranky." I gave up and started to rise. "Wait! I'm sorry. So what's wrong with Christmas?"

I sat back down cautiously, trying to figure out if his offer was genuine or not. I gave up after a few minutes. "I've never had to get anyone a present before."

"I don't see why you have to now." I glared at him. "What?"

"I want to get something for them. I just don't know what."

"Okay. Well... aren't you really good at magic and things? Cant you just transfigure something, or make something with one of your talents?" The only two talents and passions I really had were magic and sewing. My tailor had shown me a few things. I hadn't ever officially learned how to embroider myself, but I had an enchanted needle that could do it for me.

"...but what would I create?"

"Well, because I know you'll make one for me, why don't you make something useful, yet decorative?" He loosened his tie a bit in thought. Wait. His tie! If could get a few of those, I could get some thread with the sickles I had, maybe use a few scrapes of fabric to create a few ties, and then have the needle embroider something on them. All my friends were guys so it'd work perfectly!

"Thank you!" He was so close, and I was so happy I gave him a quick hug before dashing up the stairs to start. A sliver and green one for Malfoy, black and green for Nicholas, and red and gold for the twins. It'd be perfect!

———

Have you ever started on something thinking it'd be amazing and ending up with a mess? Yeah. This, so far, was one of those times. I had nothing. Nothing! There was not a single scrap of fabric to be found. So instead I had begun trying to sketch designs for the ties. I don't know what we wizards are doing sticking to the quill and pots of ink when muggles have invented these perfectly nice things called pens. And pencils. I hear you can even erase pencil without using a charm. Heavenly.

It had resulted in a lot of wasted ink and paper. I don't know what time it was. It was a Friday, but it had to be nearly time for dinner. Discouraged, I picked up my bag and headed for the kitchens.

Eating with the twins did me some good. I learned that the next Hogsmeade trip was next week. I could use it to buy supplies. I only had the five sickles, but I hoped it would be enough. Harry continued to eat his meals with us, and I made a mental not to make him a tie too. Maybe black and red.

Waving goodbye to the boys I went down to the common room, ready to begin sketching all over again. My plans were derailed when Draco grabbed me, hauling me up to his room.

"What on earth are you doing?!" I trusted him enough not to try anything horrible, but him dragging me to his room was pushing things. When I saw a package and letter on his bed, I was even more confused. "What's that?"

He gave me a grim look. "Your mother and father wrote you."

I waved dismissively. Their excuse was due any day now, this wasn't a surprise.

"Your coming to the Manor."

"What?!" I rushed over to the bed and scanned the note quickly, my jaw dropping to the floor. "They can't be serious. Wait. You read my mail?"

He shrugged casually. "The owl couldn't find you. And that's not exactly the main concern. You do realize they mean to make our engagement public, don't you?"

Of course that's what he was worried about. Forget reading my personal mail, he just didn't want to be associated to me in public. My voice was cold. "Obviously. They said as much in the letter. It's probably to make sure your family doesn't back out." He rolled his eyes at me.

"Right. And your not at all worried how this will change things?" What? Was he worried about losing his fangirls?

"What? Do you mean the other girls who will continue warning me to back away from their boyfriends? Or the stupid threats and insults they'll throw? The rumors that'll start? As Newt Scamander so famously said "Worrying just makes you suffer twice."" His eyes had narrowed at me.

"You forgot the part where we get interviewed by magazines. The plan your father has to make you a model, where they will suspect your using me to get your career started."

"Well technically they'll be absolutely right. But we will have to start showing up together in class and such. Don't worry, I'm fairly sure I don't smell."

"That's not...." he trailed off in frustration. "What about the Weasley's? And are you really okay being with me all the time? We have to make it look like we're okay with this." My heart sank a bit. Ah the Weasley's.

"If they're not okay with it, then I guess they weren't the friends I wanted them to be." I looked back down at the letter and let out another one of my hallow laughs, sinking to sit on the floor.

"Astoria?"

"It's just so unbelievably stupid. No pathetic. The first time my parents want to see me on a holiday and it's for their image. Their benefit. Their gain." I laughed again, trying to hold back the tears. "It's so them."

"You know laughing about it..."

"Won't make it okay? Well nothing can. I might as well find humor in how ridiculously sad my life is." I wasn't happy with the big pity party I was throwing, but now that I was rolling it didn't seem I wanted to stop. "You know you were right. For the longest time I wanted their affection. Their love. Eventually I just wanted their approval. And then I just contented myself with not being lectured. With being ignored. Because being ignored is much better than being shouted at. Than being controlled. But no matter what I do I can't get away. Even when I have done everything I can they still find a reason to use me." Draco knelt down beside me, and slowly pulled me into a hug. I clung to his shirt. "Why? Why me?"

He brought up a hand to smooth down my hair. "Because even in the darkness you can shine little star." He paused for a moment. "I don't know what all they've put you through. I don't know what you've had to endure. And there's a good chance I never will. But I do know that no matter how dark it is, how bad things get, you will still be able to keep going, to keep moving, to keep shining. I may not like those twins but they've brought a life to you. A spark. Don't let anyone snuff it out okay? Keep being you. Keep shining. Keep feeling no matter how hard it gets. And know that I'll always be willing to help you. With anything I can. I can't fix your parents. I can't erase your past. But I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you."