Help (Moonbae)

21: The Unnecessary Fight

Kevin got to the grocery store later that night and didn't see Jacob anywhere. He wasn't at any of the cash registers so Kevin went through he isles and saw Jacob sitting in one. He had his head in his knees and was shaking. It looked as if he was crying.

"Hey, Jacob hyung? What's wrong, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"I can clearly tell that you're not. What happened? What can I do to help."

"Kevin, I just told you. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong."

"Seriously, Jacob? How do you expect me to believe that?"

"Its up to you if you want to believe it or not, but I'm being serious."

"Why is it so hard for you to accept my help? Its not that fucking hard! I just want to be there for you when you're upset and you won't fucking let me!"

"Kevin! Just leave, okay?" He didn't need to be told twice.

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It wasn't nothing. Jacob had been through a little too much a few minutes before he and Kevin's explosive moment.

He had seen his aunt wandering around the grocery store. When he had seen her, it triggered an almost instant PTSD episode. He stumbled into in isle to try and regain his composer, but failed miserably. A few minutes later, Kevin had found him. He didn't want to worry the younger boy, so he just told him that it was nothing.

That obviously didn't work out very well on his part.

He knew why Kevin was mad at him, and he couldn't blame him. The guy that he was just starting a relationship with was sitting there bawling and claiming he was fine. He would have been upset as well.

But in his defense, he wasn't exactly ready to talk about it. He had never learned how to fully cope with it since he never had the time to. He was always running from one place to another and trying to make it on his own. He wasn't ready to just suddenly talk about those events.

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Kevin felt terrible.

He knew that he shouldn't have been so mean and tried to have been a little more understanding, but he just couldn't. And he didn't mean that lightly.

The uncontrollable anger and frustration were a clear sign of his untreated ADHD. He knew that he shouldn't allow it to get this out of control, but he was so scared.

Taking those meds would acknowledge the fact that he wasn't normal. It would make him face the fact that he was an outcast. After trying so hard to show others that he was as capable as them, he would have to acknowledge that he wasn't.

But if taking those meds meant that he wouldn't hurt Jacob, he would do it.

Jacob made him want to be a better person. He made him want to try. He made him want to get better. And that was all he needed.

Seeing Jacob hurt, made him feel hurt in so many ways. But more importantly, it was a wake up call for him.