My Boyfriend's Game [Sequel to MGD]

24. lies - Blue

Blue is a color I've always loved. But it signifies chaos and sadness to me but that's why it's comforting to me.

Instead of being hidden and putting on a mask, it gives comfort. That going through sadness and pain is a beautiful part of life too.

Pain is what makes us strong.

Even though loving you was painful, it was beautiful. But I wasn't strong enough to put you through pain and deal with my own too.

People think if a person is depressed, it's just long term sadness. When it's not the case, it's completely the opposite. It's feeling everything and not feeling anything at all.

It's not pain but rather numbness that takes over and acting as a shield to take anything.

Drowning out emotions in our own thoughts.

But Blue, it gives me comfort. Even though it's sad it understands me.

I close the paper and put it back inside the drawer. I need to throw it away but I can't.

It's the last thing of him that is with me and I just can't throw away a piece of him. I take the album that's already sitting in it and flip through it, it's nearly empty. No memories to look back to. Just a picture of me and Lana and the next file holds a group photo of me Alex and his sister.

I look at her, her long black shiny hair and blue eyes. I miss her so much; I haven't seen her for so long.

Before I could put it back Addy and Kendal enters the room, Kendal glows.

I wonder how she's always pretty but her smile drops and she stops dead in her track.

She comes to me and grabs the photo before I could even react to what's happening.

"This is Kezya," she says and my eyes widen. "How do you know her?"

"I-I," I stutter. "She was my ex-boyfriend's sister."

"What?" Kendal asks me. "You mean Lane?"

His middle name. The world around me spins that I might nearly fall down anytime.

"Yes," I say. "How do you know him?"

There's no way Kendal knows Alex or Kezya.

"Kezya is my best friend," she says. "Was."

I stare at her in confusion while Addy leaves the room. "I'll leave you guys alone." She closes the door with a thud.

Kendal walks past me slowly and sits on my bed. "It's a long story."

I stare at the white study table not being able to feel anything. Kezya isn't alive.

She isn't, just like him.

The room is empty and I'm taken back to the day Alex died.

"It's you mistake."

"It's you mistake."

"It's you mistake."

"It's you mistake."

"It's you mistake."

I fall back onto my bed, my mind repeating those same words again and again.

She isn't alive and I didn't even know.

I wanna curl up and shut people out.

I don't like what I'm feeling right now.

I don't wanna be here right now.

That's when the idea pops into my head.

I need to leave; I need his comfort, the place where he lived. His presence. He'd know what to do except he isn't here.

But I'm going to leave either way.Blue is a color I've always loved. But it signifies chaos and sadness to me but that's why it's comforting to me.

Instead of being hidden and putting on a mask, it gives comfort. That going through sadness and pain is a beautiful part of life too.

Pain is what makes us strong.

Even though loving you was painful, it was beautiful. But I wasn't strong enough to put you through pain and deal with my own too.

People think if a person is depressed, it's just long term sadness. When it's not the case, it's completely the opposite. It's feeling everything and not feeling anything at all.

It's not pain but rather numbness that takes over and acting as a shield to take anything.

Drowning out emotions in our own thoughts.

But Blue, it gives me comfort. Even though it's sad it understands me.

I close the paper and put it back inside the drawer. I need to throw it away but I can't.

It's the last thing of him that is with me and I just can't throw away a piece of him. I take the album that's already sitting in it and flip through it, it's nearly empty. No memories to look back to. Just a picture of me and Lana and the next file holds a group photo of me Alex and his sister.

I look at her, her long black shiny hair and blue eyes. I miss her so much; I haven't seen her for so long.

Before I could put it back Addy and Kendal enters the room, Kendal glows.

I wonder how she's always pretty but her smile drops and she stops dead in her track.

She comes to me and grabs the photo before I could even react to what's happening.

"This is Kezya," she says and my eyes widen. "How do you know her?"

"I-I," I stutter. "She was my ex-boyfriend's sister."

"What?" Kendal asks me. "You mean Lane?"

His middle name. The world around me spins that I might nearly fall down anytime.

"Yes," I say. "How do you know him?"

There's no way Kendal knows Alex or Kezya.

"Kezya is my best friend," she says. "Was."

I stare at her in confusion while Addy leaves the room. "I'll leave you guys alone." She closes the door with a thud.

Kendal walks past me slowly and sits on my bed. "It's a long story."

I stare at the white study table not being able to feel anything. Kezya isn't alive.

She isn't, just like him.

The room is empty and I'm taken back to the day Alex died.

"It's your mistake."

"It's your mistake."

"It's your mistake."

"It's your mistake."

"It's your mistake."

I fall back onto my bed, my mind repeating those same words again and again.

She isn't alive and I didn't even know.

I wanna curl up and shut people out.

I don't like what I'm feeling right now.

I don't wanna be here right now.

That's when the idea pops into my head.

I need to leave; I need his comfort, the place where he lived. His presence. He'd know what to do except he isn't here.

But I'm going to leave either way.