𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝗳 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 🤍

•𝗠𝗶𝘅𝗲𝗱 𝗦𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘀•

•✨•

Tommy's POV, November 24th 1986

Hey, so I think Nikki hates me... he hasn't said a word to me in almost 10 days... it fucking hurts, he ignored my phone calls, ignored my voicemails, ignored me.

I don't understand why... one minute we were intensely fucking each other in my bedroom and the next he's not even acknowledging my existence.

It's made me think that maybe it was just a drunken mistake to him... I was just there and he was horny so one thing led to another... but it was so far from a drunken mistake for me.

Sober I never, ever would have made a move on Nikki, but for some reason that night I just lost my self control, Nikki wasn't a mistake to me and never could be.

I was an idiot though to think he felt the same.

Waking up and finding him gone stabbed me right in the heart, I wanted him to be there when I woke up... he wasn't... I really was just a one night stand.

I didn't want to just be a one night stand, I wanted him to love me because I'm so hopelessly in love with him, he's perfect to me, end of story. I had a spark of hope when he let me kiss him, when he kissed me back, when he pulled me on top of him and let me touch him, I thought he felt the same.

He made me feel so special the way he fucked me wasn't like anything I've ever experienced before... it was an entirely different thing than fucking a chick... the pleasure Nikki gave me was more than I've ever imagined- he's the first guy I've ever let have me like that.

I've fucked a few of other guys but never let them near me... if I was going to lose my anal virginity I wanted it to be with someone I cared about and loved and that someone was Nikki. It has been since the moment I laid eyes on him.

I have no problem in saying I'm gay, I still fuck girls but that's for show, when I'm fucking a girl I picture Nikki. It's the only way I can do it since realizing my attraction to Nikki the only way I can even think of getting turned on, the amount of girls I've almost called Nikki over the last 6 years is ridiculous.

My feelings towards Nikki were real, at first I thought they were just attraction, sexual attraction, a stupid crush, seriously the amount of boners I've had because of him is not even measurable in any existing units, then I thought I had a schoolboy crush on the bassist but when those feelings didn't fade I came to terms with the fact I loved Nikki Sixx.

I've always received mixed signals from Nikki, always.... some days he'd flirt with me and I'd flirt back, then I'd flirt with him and he'd flirt back then some days he gives me an awkward smile or a forced laugh. I didn't know what to do, I often find myself staring at Nikki, and getting lost in his every little movement he makes- sometimes he catches my eyes, most of the time we'd make eye contact briefly then move on forget about it, the odd time it'd last slightly longer but nothing would ever happen.

The band meeting yesterday was so goddamn awkward... Nikki was laughing with Vince when I got there and the second he saw me enter the room his smile dropped and he gave me a dead stare which made my heart sink in my chest... I gave him a small smile in hopes he'd give me one in return but no, he just kept starting at me emotionlessly, Vince watched the interaction and gave me a look to ask if I was okay and I looked back at him and shook my head placing myself next to Mick.