𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝗳 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 🤍

•𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲•

•✨•

Nikki's POV, July 14th 1988

It's been a couple of months and shit's been getting better and better. The press have started to lay off Tommy and I now, there's still the odd jab at us in magazines and whatnot but nothing really too bad, we're now just living a proper life, something I don't think I've ever lived before.

According to grumpy the guitarist and slutty the singer (Mick and Vince), they've noticed a difference in both Tommy and I- apparently I'm less of an asshole and Tommy is less of a mindless hooligan only when we're together though- I personally haven't noticed anything but there you are.

All the drug use really was a distant memory now, it was like it never happened in the first place, I'll never be able to completely forget but it's good enough I don't think I'll ever get used to be loved the way Tommy loves me.

It's so genuine and I don't know how to deal with that, I've never been in a situation like this before- I try my best to give Tommy something in return, I try with the romantic gestures but I'm never really very good at it, never have been- Tommy says it doesn't matter but it matters to me.

I feel as if I'm letting him down sometimes, he puts so much effort into making me feel special and loved and I just can't... I don't know how too.

I curse my mom sometimes- if she actually would have loved me I wouldn't have this problem. It scares me at just how clueless I am with certain things- I've literally had to ask Mick for ideas on how to be romantic and shit like that- it's embarrassing as hell, Tommy knows nothing about that by the way, if he knew he'd think that I'm pathetic.

Tommy does all these little things like leaves my clothes out and putting toothpaste on my toothbrush, leaving notes on his pillow if he wakes up before me... it makes me feel loved but it makes me also feel like I'm not doing enough back.

It doesn't really affect anything it's just my overactive imagination and insecurity but it messes with my head a bit.

Take right now, I'd literally only been awake 5 minutes when Tom came into the room and had just brought us breakfast in bed, it made me smile and filled me with warmth but guilt laid buried deep beneath it all.

"Morning babe"

I grinned as he placed a plate into my lap "Morning, T-Bone"

Tommy sat down next to me and handed me a fork I accepted it and we began eating, Tommy began talking to me but I didn't particularly pay attention to what he was saying- I just ate and tried to suppress the guilt I was feeling knowing it was stupid, I don't know why I feel like this and it irritates the shit outta me.

I had some ideas but nothing I can fully tether it too.

Probably just me being broken.

"Nikki?.... yo, Nikki? Hey, you good? Nik?" Tommy says shaking me slightly breaking me out of my thoughts, I look at him and smile slightly.

"Yeah, I'm good"

"Where'd you go? Got a bit lost in thought there didn't you?"

"Nowhere... just... just thinking, doesn't matter"

"It matters to me" he speaks softly "What's bothering you baby?"