𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝗳 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 🤍

•𝗠𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸•

•✨•

Nikki's POV, December 26th 1987

Yesterday like he said he would, Tommy stayed and ended out spending Christmas here with me, we hardly moved from the bedroom for the rest of Christmas Eve and like all of yesterday, the only time we moved was when we needed to eat, use the bathroom or I needed to shoot up.

That last one makes me feel so fucking guilty- I didn't want to do take heroin anymore... I know it literally killed me 3 days ago but right now until we get to rehab which Doc rang back and said we were due to go in on the 28th of December, I can't not have smack... I will get off it though, I'm going to rehab with Tommy, Vince and Mick... I really don't wanna die.

My doses of the drug though were down considerably, I made sure of that... I didn't want to risk another overdose, I couldn't put Tommy or myself through that again.

Tommy and I were sitting in my bedroom surprise, surprise- I said we hadn't really moved from here and I meant it. We were just sitting chilling really, we were sat up and I was resting my head on Tommy's bare chest as he had his arm around my shoulders- I was thinking of a way to bring up that night and I wasn't thinking of any subtle way of telling him- I'm better just saying it aren't I?

He's gonna be pissed I think when it comes down to it, can't hold it against him because how I treated him was unacceptable- we've dodged this talk for way too long now, I'm just gonna say it... ugh, this is gonna be so awkward... here goes nothing I suppose.

Right, you can do this Nikki.... bring it up, just bring it up... open your mouth and say words like a normal human... do it. Now.

"Hey, erm... Tom... can... can we talk about what happened that night?" I asked hesitantly, for Tommy this topic was totally out of the blue but I needed to bring it up, even more so now I was in a more sober state of mind, I can give better answers.

"What night?" Tommy asked after a short while trying his best to sound like he didn't know what I was talking about but I knew, he knew.

Was he really going to make me say it? Apparently he was.

I sigh and state "The night we slept together"

The drummer tensed up when I spoke the words out loud, he cleared his throat awkwardly "I- er, w-what part did you wanna talk about?"

I take my head from his chest and look at him "The part when I walked out on you.... the part when I ignored you... Vince's party, all of it, then the shit that followed that... I know I hurt you that night at Vin's... I didn't mean too and I know I've hurt you since but I've never meant to hurt you... really I haven't. I'm so sorry, Tommy..."

Despite the uncomfortable atmosphere Tommy scoffs lightly "Are you?"

I sat up gently crossing my legs looking back over at him "Yeah"

"Sorry if I don't believe that" he said sadly while meeting my eyes "You said to me that night meant nothing to you, that fucking hurt, until that party I thought I meant something to you by the looks of it, I didn't. You just straight upped and left me after you remembered what we'd done! I get that we were both completely fucked outta our minds but you didn't have to act like that... you didn't have to act like I didn't even fucking exist for months!" Tommy exclaimed in a raised voice releasing some of the anger he was holding against me for what I did to him.