Marauders Oneshots

SIRIUS BLACK ~ Detention

"Merlin, Black, you have the rest of your bloody life to be annoying. Why not take the day off, will you?"

DETENTION

I walked into Professor McGonagall's classroom, prepared for a normal detention where I just write lines but I didn't get that. I was greeted by the wonderful presence of Sirius Black.

We absolutely despised each other ever since in 2nd year when he dumped peanut butter on my head and I got revenge on him by dying his black hair into bright pink. 

"Black," I lightly nodded my head at him.

"Davison."

I took a seat on the complete other side of the room just as McGonagall walked in. Black put a mischievous grin and made to talk to her.

"Say, Minnie, how about you let me go and I'll-"

"No, Black. You're writing lines for me. Now, I want you to write 'I will not hex anybody in my house or any other house and make them have antlers and a pig snout'," she said strictly. 

I smirked and rolled my eyes but stopped as she turned to me. "As for you, Miss Davison, I would like you to write 'I will not be late to class because I overslept'," she spoke firmly.

"How many times?" I asked, annoyed, but didn't show it.

"Let's say, thirty times on two pieces of parchment, shall we? Same for you, Black," she replied, her Scottish accent ringing through thickly because she was frustrated.

I internally huffed and took out my parchment, ink and quill to get to work.

After an hour, I had finally finished my work and it seemed like Black had too. I showed the professor my work and she gave me a satisfied nod and dismissed me as well as Black.

I walked outside the classroom, Black hot on my heels. He caught up at the same pace with me.

I sighed angrily, "What do you want, Black?"

He smirked at you, "Just felt like annoying you, Izzy."

I rolled my eyes, "Don't call me by my first name, Black."

"Or what?" he smirked.

I rolled my eyes, "Or  I'll make sure that Black hair of yours never sees the light of day again."

He played it down a little bit, knowing I would happily do that to him but took his wand out of his robes. But that didn't last for long.

"What are you doing, Black?" I said but didn't need an answer as I fell over my untied laces. I groaned as I hit the floor and realised he cast a spell that would untie my laces.

I tied them back up and then got up and shoved him, "You bitch!"

"Hoe."

"Slut."

"Cow."

"Whore."

"Hippogriff."

"Hippopotamus."

"Gargoyle."

"Ugh, Black, where's your off button?" I said, very annoyed.

"I don't really know- sorry, Izzy," he smirked.

"It was a rhetorical question, dumbass."

"I know," he winked at me.

"Merlin, Black, you have the rest of your bloody life to be annoying. Why not take the day off, will you?" I was getting pissed now.

"Oh but you see, Izzy, I would but give me a list of things of good that will to to the world," he smirked.

"Ha! A list? You can have a whole fucking book!" I rolled your eyes, "And stop calling me Izzy!"

"Is that sarcasm? Because trust me when I say you won't be able to think of one reason."

"Tell me something, Black, is your ass jealous of your mouth because if the amount of shit that comes out of it?"

He put his hand over his heart in mock upset and gasped, "Izzy, you hurt my feelings-"

"Oops-"

"-and there's never been one piece of shit I've ever said."

"Sure, I beg to differ."

"Oh yeah? Name one."

"Like the time you said that if you break a wand it will still work, or the time you said hippogriffs should have hippo heads, or the time you said any girl would love a particular wand of yours up their-"

"Woah, okay! That's more than enough- I said one. Besides that's no shit I'm saying."

"Mhm."

"And how do you know about the...last one you said?"

"Huh? Did you say something? Sorry, I don't really speak idiot."

"Merlin's beard, if I wanted a bitch, I would've brought a dog."

"Shut the fuck up, Black, it would do my hearing a lot of good-"

"Well, we wouldn't want that now would we?" 

"Fuck off, idiot. I would call you a dingbat...but that would be an insult to dingbats...and Potter."

"Is that so? Well, you must have been born on the motorway because that's where accidents happen."

"Oooh, burn."

"Who pissed in your breakfast?" I rolled my eyes for the billionth time at this comment.

"Bloody hell! I thought there was a limit to how far someone's head can go up there ass but it seems you've broken the system! Well done!" I said, faking cheerfulness and sarcastically clapping.

"I'm sorry but you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit," he said, smirking widely.

"Oh sorry, do you need me to act like I give half  a shit?"

"No, you're good. Because I'd rather you acted like you gave three quarters of a shit."

"Oh wow. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup made for two year old and still spell out shit smarter than that."

"Oh ha ha. If you're gonna at least try  to be a smartass, Izzy, you have to be smart. Or else you're really just an ass."

"Say that to a mirror...not me." 

"I'll pass."

I groaned loudly now. "Black, do you realise you're the reason God made 5 fingers?"

"How?"

"So that one of them could do this," I stuck my middle finger at him. I had only just realised that our tiny-weeny-not-rude-or-sarcastic-in-any-way-at-all argument had already brought us all the way to the Fat Lady's portrait. 

Just as I was about to put my hand down, Black suddenly grabbed it and pulled me towards him. He crashed his lips against mine and for some reason, I responded. He pushed me back and pinned me against the wall- the kiss becoming rougher. He put one hand on my waist and the other tangles in my hair. One of my fingers hooked around his belt loop and my other went to his hair.

We pulled away for air and he looked at me, "You know you love me really, Davison."

He winked at me and walked off into the common room after saying the password.

I brought a hand up to my slightly swollen lips. Wow. The one time I didn't give care if he called me by my first name.

A/N

Sorry about this one. I just felt like this was necessary.