Lord give me strength

More self indulgent quotes

Louisiana: tell me something only Florida would know
Florida: the blue beyblades taste the best
Louisiana: ok
Louisiana: wait Florida wouldn't say that
DC: what the fuck

California: simpleton
Florida: excuse you I know four things
California: yeah and that's really simple of you
Florida: that's more than three
California: that isn't even a full hand
Florida: I only have four fingers
California: what about-
Florida: thumbie is is not fingie
California:
California: it is 2021 and you just said "thumbie is not fingie"
Colorado: bro what language are you guys speaking
Florida: thumbie is not fingie

Colorado: I got bitten by a snake
Colorado: what do I do?
Florida: elevate and apply pressure
Colorado: [lifts the snake] apologize or else
Florida: coco, I meant the bite

Florida: You can teach a crow how to talk
California: so?
Florida: I want to teach a murder of Crows how to talk then release them on a hiking trail so they all say "run"
California: who hurt you

Florida: [picks up an alligator and kisses it]
California: the alligator kisses back
California: but watch out
Florida: no

Florida: this is Hank
California: it's a crow
Florida: it's hank
Hank: murder
Florida: and I have taught him how to speak
Hank: arson
Florida: he's my son
California: what the fuck

Florida: amphibians think you smell like glue
Alaska: what am I supposed to do with that

Florida: my pockets jingle with stolen buttons from hot topic
Florida: I literally can't stop stealing those buttons
Florida: I don't feel like paying 3 dollars for a piece of tin with pusheen on it but I do feel like doing a heist
Florida: call the cops bitch I'll have sex with them

DC: and friendly fire is on so be nice
Florida: [immediately shoots him]
DC: [bans Florida]

Florida: shut the hell your mouth
California: Wh
California: uh
California: ok

Florida: my parents really said "and I will take this child and make it associate cleaning with anger and trauma"
Florida: now I cry when someone washes the dishes wrong

Utah: you need god
Utah: look at you

Utah: [looking at Illithyia] one taught me love
Utah: [looking at DC] one taught me patience
Utah: [looking at Jaxon egging on Florida to eat a tide pod] and one taught me that kids are stupid JAXON PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD

Florida: sometimes I want to make a serious comment about my life but then I realize it's too personal
Florida:
Florida: brb becoming a gnome

Jaxon: this steak is a little tough
California: so is life
California: and then you die

Florida: [watching a movie]
Make and female character: [look at each other and smile]
Florida: oh god [turns it off]
Texas: what was that for?
California: thank god, it was getting a bit too heterosexual for my liking

Florida: come on
Louisiana: where are we going
Florida: werewolf hunting
Louisiana: woooooo!
Florida: [squinting his eyes] what the fuck did you just say

Florida: werewolf hunting
Florida: wherewolf
California: [kicks him from chat]

California, five minutes into any conversation: I think the government cannot be trusted

Florida: I am the Lorax I speak for the trees
Florida, picking up an alligator after one of the others insulted it: the trees say fuck you

Florida: I wish everyone talked like toad
California: be careful what you wish for
Florida: I know what I said
California: do you? Do you know what you said? The power you have unleashed?
California: [sends toad with buff legs]
Florida: this is exactly the world I hope to see
California: you have doomed us all
Florida: look at him
Florida: the statue of David is shameful by comparison
California: is this the world you want?
California: [sends him the statue of David with a toad head edited over it]
California: does he not plague your nightmares
Florida: Wrong. This is how god intended man to be. Perfect. Man came not into this world with sin, he came into this world with a "HELLO"
California: I suppose a world of only Toads would be...
California: Toad-ally rad
The others, after being woken up by the notifications: what the fuck